


Help Me Lose My Mind

by kwillow19



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:18:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5156705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwillow19/pseuds/kwillow19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>**COMPLETED**<br/>Everything in Carmilla's life is falling into place. She's engaged to her best friend, loves her work, and is preparing to settle down. When she attends her estranged mother's engagement party and meets her soon-to-be stepsister, her world is flipped upside down. Based on the film Kyss Mig.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The patterns came into focus and dissipated just as quickly as they had arrived. It was like searching for shapes in clouds on a windy day. One perspective produced the defined outline of a bunny and the other made it morph into a splash of non-sensical white streaks across the blue. Carmilla stared blankly at the ceiling for a few more seconds and then attempted to focus her thoughts back on the task at hand. She felt plump lips peppering kisses across her collarbone as soft fingers slid up and down her thighs. She let out a sigh that was meant to be an encouragement of the pleasure, but sounded empty against the walls of their bedroom.

Ell lifted her head from Carmilla's chest and their eyes met briefly. She shifted off of her girlfriend, propping her head against her hand as she stretched out next to Carmilla.

"It's ok if you're not in the mood," Ell offered, earnestly.

"No, no," Carmilla replied. She turned to the side cupping Ell's face and drawing her in until their mouths met. "I'm just a little distracted."

Ell returned the kiss, deepening it as she wrapped one arm around Carmilla's waist and brought their bodies flush together. After a moment, she separated their mouths and placed a final kiss on Carmilla's nose.

"This is a big change," Ell stated. "What you're doing for us, it's so much. So it doesn't worry me if things get a little weird. I expect it." At that, Ell slid off the bed and made her way to the adjoining bathroom. The sound of the sink running and then the vibration of her electric toothbrush filled the silence. "Besides," Ell mumbled with the toothbrush in her mouth as she returned to the bedroom. "I know it's not me. Cause I'm…"

"Super hot," Carmilla finished her sentence. Ell winked at her and headed back in. "I wouldn't dream of ever believing your self-confidence was in danger," Carmilla called out to her from the bed. Ell finished up in the bathroom and then turned off the lights. She climbed on top of Carmilla and they closed their eyes as they rested their foreheads together.

"Just promise me this," Carmilla whispered.

"Anything," Ell replied.

"Just promise me that you won't fall over and hurt yourself with that massive head of yours."

Ell scoffed and wiggled her fingers against Carmilla's sides trapping her as she tickled her relentlessly. 

"I'm serious. With a head that size, it could be a real threat to your ability to stay upright," Carmilla continued to tease Ell through her laughter.

"You're so hilarious," Ell said facetiously, as she climbed underneath the covers and settled into Carmilla's embrace. "You're lucky I love you."

"And you're lucky they make helmets that big," Carmilla mumbled quickly. The room fell silent for a moment and then Carmilla felt the unmistakable sensation of a wet finger in her ear. "You have got to be kidding me!" 

Ell giggled as Carmilla turned them over pinning her against the mattress in retaliation. Carmilla stilled as she locked eyes with Ell. She was in the dominant position but decided to concede.

"Ok, you won," Carmilla admitted. "I love you, too."

 

///

 

Laura wasn't big on speeches. She wasn't one to shy away from the opportunity, especially when an occasion like this presented itself. It just felt like such an oddly personal moment to be sharing with strangers. Her father was getting remarried. The idea of this blew her mind. He had been so uninterested in the prospect for so long. Then by chance, he met someone and the last few years had just been a whirlwind. 

She repeated her speech under her breath as she paced in the dining room. She was very happy for her father. So much, that she really didn't want to screw this up.

"Mother will not be pleased if you wear a trench in her Persian rug," JP said, as he watched Laura from the doorway. 

She rolled her eyes, halting her march. "Like I need to give her more reasons not to like me."

JP approached and stretched out his arm offering Laura a glass of wine. "Mother doesn't like anyone," he said matter-of-factly. "Except for your dad. Which is weird." He took a sip of his own drink as he stared at Laura.

"Don't get me started," Laura agreed.

Just then, their attention was drawn outside to the laughter of the currently discussed couple. They were walking through the garden, arm-in-arm.

JP and Laura gave each other a knowing look. It was an odd circumstance they had found themselves in. Both adults, even though JP had just crossed into that territory age-wise, and becoming soon-to-be siblings. They had gotten roped into dinners and family outings as their respective parents grew closer. Even though JP was a bit younger, they bonded pretty quickly over their shared awkwardness of the whole situation. 

"I saw them setting up the dinner tables in the back. How many people are coming to this party, again?" Laura asked.

"I don't know, like 25 or so," JP responded, plopping down on a chaise lounge in the adjoining sitting room. "I mean, it's the Dean's birthday. The amount of ass kissing to get on that list so that they could come here and kiss Mother's ass more must be astounding."

"I thought these were close friends," Laura stated, joining JP on the lounge. She glanced down at the glass in her hands. It was a little early to be drinking, but she was starting to believe that she would need it to survive this day.

"I don't think Mother has close friends. It's just acquaintances and influencers and unfortunates like that," he explained.

This was a world Laura was not used to. Her father was a civil servant for 30 years. They had a simple life. There were parties with his closest friends from the Force. They were mostly backyard barbecues and game nights. The Dean's house seemed decadent by comparison. She still wasn't sure how their relationship made sense, but this was the happiest she had seen her father in a while. 

"And there's a hot, new rumor that my sister will be coming," JP said, as he took another sip. 

"Your sister?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. Laura wasn't sure how to position what she had heard of their relationship.

"I thought they don't…" 

"They don't."

 

///

 

"307 Styria," Ell said, as she leaned forward to confirm the street address with the driver. She settled back into the plush leather seat and glanced over at Carmilla. She was staring out the window with a fairly distant expression across her face. Her dark eyes held so much worry. Ell reached into her coat pocket. The movement caught Carmilla's attention and she gave her a somber smile.

"I forgot to tell you. I was in Midtown for that client meeting yesterday," Ell stated. "So I was able to pick it up."

Ell opened the small box and plucked the diamond encrusted platinum engagement ring from the center. Carmilla held out her hand and Ell slipped the ring onto her finger.

"How's the fit now?" Ell asked.

"It's perfect," Carmilla answered. She placed a soft kiss on Ell's cheek. 

Ell studied Carmilla's face as she turned her attention back to the window. Ell knew this trip was going to be hard. She was hoping the ring would alleviate some of the stress or at least provide a joyful distraction.

"Baby, it's going to be ok," Ell assured her. "Your mom loves me. I'm excellent at keeping her off your back."

"I know," Carmilla replied. "I just genuinely never had any intention of returning here."

"Do you want to tell her tonight?" Ell questioned.

"Usually, I wouldn't even consider interrupting her engagement party with my engagement announcement. But in this case, I think us getting married will be the best gift ever to her." Carmilla pulled at the hem of her black cocktail dress fidgeting under Ell's stare. She wished she was in her much more comfortable torn black jeans, but there were only so many boundaries she could push tonight. Not only was this her mother's engagement party, but it was her birthday as well. And even though her mother perpetually made her feel like a disobedient angst-ridden teenager, Carmilla was supposed to be a well-mannered adult now. 

And for whatever reason, her mother had always adored Ell. She was in capable hands with her. A wave of nausea passed over. Her cheeks felt warm and the dress restricting. Carmilla closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew it was just a side effect. She just had to keep her shit together for a few hours. As the lights of the house came into view, that suddenly felt like a very tall order.

The car came to an abrupt stop, and they exited the vehicle. The driver hopped out quickly to retrieve their bags from the trunk. Carmilla gave him a tight smile as she grasped onto the extended handle of her roll-away bag. Her eyes were drawn to the large brick New England style home. The lights glowing from the windows and highlighting the pitched arches outlined in white molding. She heard Ell next to her thanking the driver as she handed over a tip.

Ell took a step towards the path that led them to the front door and immediately felt Carmilla grab her forearm.

"I don't want to go in the front," Carmilla whispered. "What if she has some meet and greet gauntlet set up? I couldn't handle that right now."

Carmilla tugged at Ell's arm and led her around the side of the house where she could get a better idea of what was going on inside. She peered through wall of glass that lined the sun porch. She could see everyone in the large great room in the back of the house sitting at a long table covered in white linens. There were candles everywhere. A warm glow filled the room and a swell of laughter spilled out. It looked like a lovely dinner party. Carmilla rolled her eyes.

"Welcome to your worst nightmare," Ell said, under her breath. Carmilla smirked at her, knowingly.

"Do you think the driver has gotten far? He could just turn around," Carmilla pleaded.

Ell smiled and took a hold of Carmilla's hand. She brought it up to her lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

"Not a chance," she replied. "I want the Dean to meet my new fiancé."

"You're here!" JP exclaimed, startling the couple from their moment.

Carmilla quickly shushed him. "I don't want them to know yet."

"I've missed you so much," JP said, his voice cracking with emotion as he wrapped Ell in a strong embrace. Ell stood there awkwardly, her arms trapped by JP as she shook her head at Carmilla. "Your brother is so weird."

Carmilla smiled at the two of them. She turned her head to the right towards the patio and saw a pair of eyes staring intently at her. Long honey brown hair framed a face that seemed oddly familiar. The woman's eyes fluttered and broke contact with her as she looked down at the half of a cupcake in her hand. She quickly shoved the rest of it into her mouth and turned away. JP followed Carmilla's line of sight to see what she was so openly glaring at. He dropped his arms from around Ell to wave.

"Laura," he called out. She turned back and made her way over tentatively, smiling at JP in an attempt to hide the blush on her face. "This is my sister, Carmilla, and her girlfriend, Ell." Ell extended her hand. Her angelic blond hair and bright smile making Laura feel instantly at ease. She shook her hand briefly as JP continued the introductions. "And, this is Laura. Her father is going to be our new daddy."

Carmilla crossed her arms, cutting her eyes at her brother's quip. 

Laura stared at Carmilla trying to figure out what she had done to make the woman grow so suddenly cold. Her eyes scanned Carmilla's face. She was all angles, with a strong jaw line and sharp nose. Her dark wavy hair and deep brown eyes felt like such a contrast to her porcelain skin. She was undeniably gorgeous. She had seen Carmilla smile before so she knew it was possible, but she also knew this woman was able to shift from night to day with just an expression. They weren't identical, but she saw some of Lilita's features on Carmilla. Perhaps her disposition was genetic, as well.

"Let's get inside," JP said, as he reached down to grab both Carmilla and Ell's bags. He made his way quickly up the steps to the side entrance of the house.

Carmilla felt Ell's hand at the small of her back and watched as she nodded in encouragement for both of them to go. Carmilla looked over at Laura. Her little face was scrunched up in thought. Carmilla's chest tightened at the sight and she fought the smirk that threatened her lips. She closed her eyes for a moment. The unfamiliar sensation of feeling rippled through her. She opened her eyes sparing one last glance at Laura and then walked with Ell into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for all the love! Kyss Mig is obviously one of my favorite films as well, so I hope to do it justice. Since a couple people asked, I wanted to let y'all know that I don't have a set posting schedule yet. But I'm aiming for at least 1, if not 2 posts each week. Thanks for reading :)

Laura took a few minutes outside to collect herself. She had intended to just grab some fresh air and go over her speech one final time. But then JP's sister had literally emerged from the night and her thoughts were everywhere all-at-once. Carmilla had rolled in like a broody little storm, all dark clouds and rumbling thunder. It was annoyingly distracting. And it wasn't getting any better out here all alone. She let out a final huff as she shook her head and then made her way back into the house.

As she entered the great room, Lilita was standing at the end of the long dinner table formally thanking everyone for making the time to attend this evening. All eyes in the room were glued to her. The Dean's magnetism was undeniable, but Laura felt she still struggled to make a genuine connection with the older woman. She pouted at the thought.

Laura made her way down the length of the room searching for the end table where she had set her ridiculously overpriced camera. She had spent a majority of her university graduation gift money on the thing hoping it would help jump start her video journalism career. So far, it hadn't panned out to be much more than an expensive hobby. She scooped up the camera and snapped a few candid pictures of Lilita mid-speech. Her champagne glass lifted precariously in the air as everyone toasted her engagement/birthday.

Laura's father lightly touched Lilita's elbow. She looked down at him questioningly and then followed his gaze across the room. Laura quickly switched her camera to film mode and focused on the woman. Her expression shifted so swiftly she wasn't even sure she had truly witnessed the rapid change of emotions. A smile grew across Lilita's face as she spotted her daughter. But the familiar darkness of Carmilla's eyes reflected perfectly in hers.

Lilita quickly crossed the room and embraced Carmilla. Then she enthusiastically pulled Ell into their hug, as well. 

Laura rotated her hand slowly around the lens zooming in closer until Carmilla's face filled the view finder. She watched Carmilla lean in close to her mother to whisper the news. Laura bit her lip in anticipation. She felt oddly voyeuristic in this moment, but also like she was unearthing clues to a deep mystery.

Lilita turned away from the couple to face her dinner party audience. Her expression stoic and unreadable. 

"It turns out we have more congratulations due," she announced. "My daughter, Carmilla, and Ell just told me they are engaged, as well."

The joyful sounds of approval hummed across the room as the guests offered their congratulations. A proud smile graced Lilita's lips.

Laura placed her camera down and quickly procured a champagne glass. She decided to take advantage of the positive moment to offer her best wishes. She tapped a fork lightly against it drawing the attention of the room. 

"I, um," she started, suddenly feeling the panic rise in her throat. The words of her speech losing shape in her brain. "I just wanted to say how happy I am… for all of you. I know Lilita and I don't always see eye-to-eye, but I see how happy she makes my father. He deserves that so much. He hasn't always had the easiest of times." Laura looked over at her father who was watching her closely. He offered her a close-mouthed smile and she continued. "I can see now how full of joy he is that we built this new family. I wanted to thank you, Lilita, for making that possible. Happy birthday and congratulations."

Laura lifted her glass. A brief moment of silence stretched making her feel self conscious. Then others joined her and claps filled the room.

 

///

 

The dinner party moved out into the garden where opulent white tents covered a makeshift dance floor. Hundreds of lights had been strung up across the space and along with the twinkling glow of the candles, it felt magical. The Dean had always had impeccable taste. Carmilla imagined her mother spent the afternoon before the event buzzing about, adjusting each bulb to her liking.

Carmilla stood alone at the edge of the covered space. It had been 7 years since she had last been home and 5 since she had seen her mother. Back then, Lilita had attended her graduation from NYU out of obligation to academics more than anything. After that, they had only communicated through emails for a few years as Carmilla had been living in her mother's city apartment. Once she moved in with Ell, there was really no more need for them to keep up with each other. Although, she knew Ell still sent her updates.

For the first time in a while, she was contemplating the idea of speaking to her mother alone. The internal debate was cut short by the decision being made for her as she spotted Lilita taking solid steps in her direction. Carmilla gripped her wine glass tighter bracing for the interaction.

"Carmilla," Lilita greeted her with a tight smile. She stood shoulder to shoulder with her daughter looking out over the dance floor.

"Mother," Carmila responded, a little unsure of how to proceed. It was so much easier to let Lilita take the lead, but as the quiet filled the space between them she felt compelled to say something. "This is such a lovely party," Carmilla choked out.

Lilita turned towards her daughter a speculative eye brow raised at her comment.

"I know you're probably standing over here insisting on being miserable," Lilita responded. "But I really am pleased that you're here."

Carmilla was taken aback by her words. It was borderline pleasant, which was not the type of conversation she was used to having with her mother. Maybe she was mellowing with age, or maybe this Mr. Hollis was quite the influence. 

"I heard that the agency is doing well," Lilita continued.

Carmilla took a small sip of her wine. Her work was their neutral space. Lilita had always been supportive of Carmilla's ambitions. When she and Ell had announced a few years ago that they were opening up a design firm together, Carmilla had received a note of congratulations from the Office of the Dean. Her mother's signature scrawled out across the thick card stock. 

"Our client growth has been exponential. It's been incredible," Carmilla stated. "But I know we're the hot, young thing right now. So I hope the corporate contracts stick."

Lilita nodded in understanding. "I know a thing or two about that," she offered. "Maybe tomorrow we can have breakfast, just the two of us, and talk more."

Carmilla blinked at the suggestion. "I'd like that."

She heard her mother's name being called from some random person that clearly couldn't tell they were interrupting.

"If you'll excuse me," her mother said, placing her hand lightly on Carmilla's shoulder and then walking towards the woman.

Carmilla spotted Ell across the way talking to Laura and JP. Laura's arm rested across her brother's shoulders as she leaned closer to Ell. Ell was showing off her engagement ring and Laura laughed loudly at something Ell had said. Her fiancé was unbelievably charming. She knew that from years of first-hand experience. She watched as Laura reached out to touch Ell's arm as she laughed. Ell smiled in response and leaned towards her. 

Ell's eyes scanned the crowd until she found Carmilla. She excused herself from the conversation and walked over to her. Carmilla watched as Laura pulled JP out onto the dance floor excitedly.

"I see you're hiding out, per usual," Ell said, as she wrapped her arms around Carmilla's waist pulling her in. Ell placed open-mouthed kisses on her neck and cheek.

"I see you've been drinking," Carmilla stated, flatly. 

"You really expect me to get through this sober?" Ell questioned back.

"Touché," Carmilla responded, wrapping her arms around Ell rubbing her back. "You going to take me upstairs or what?"

Ell growled playfully lifting Carmilla off the ground spinning her towards the house.

 

///

 

"You're such a quitter," JP teased, as he watched Laura take a large swig from her bottle of water. She cut her eyes at him.

"You'll understand when you're older."

"Whatever," he responded. He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. After a long night of drinking, dancing, and avoiding relatives, Laura and JP were now sitting poolside. The glow of the underwater lights illuminating their faces.

JP grabbed Laura's camera that was sitting on the small table between them and immediately began fiddling with buttons.

"Hey, be careful," Laura warned. She knew a lack of sobriety and large bodies of water never panned out well for electronics. He swatted away her hands as she attempted to retrieve the prized item.

"What do you even need this for anyway?" JP asked.

"Unfulfilled dreams," Laura said, as she sighed softly.

JP turned the camera on and pointed it playfully at her. "Future Lead Field Reporter, Laura Hollis, pitch me a story."

She gave him a lop-sided smile and rolled her eyes.

"We're coming to you live from New Haven, where a drunk dip shit is about to drop my expensive camera into a pool," Laura said in her best news voice. "More at 11."

JP laughed at her as he settled into his seat and focused the lens on her face. Laura looked down at the bottle in her hands, pulling at the paper label.

"I'll probably just end up only filming everyone's wedding with it," she said softly.

"I don't know about that," JP replied. His eyes now trained on the view finder. 

"I can't even book that gig?" Laura asked.

"Well, no," JP said. "I just mean, you'll probably be able to film our parents' wedding. But good luck ever filming Carmilla's."

"Why do you say that?" 

JP took a deep breath, considering his next words. "My sister is not the best with commitment."

"But I thought her and Ell had been together for a long time." Laura shifted in her seat to face JP.

"They were best friends in high school," he explained. "They dated off and on during college and been playing house for a few years, but I don't know. I guarantee Ell is pushing this marriage thing more than Carmilla."

Laura stared across the pool in thought.

"When our dad left a billion years ago, she took it pretty hard," he continued. "I don't know if she believes in the idea of marital bliss." He adjusted the focus again and then glanced up at Laura. "How about you, Ms. Hollis? Are you a faithful companion?"

Laura stared directly into the black glass of the zoom lens. 

"Yes," she answered. "There's no cheating gene in my family."

"Ouch. Low blow," JP responded and then laughed shaking his head. "I'll have you know, I hear my dad is very committed to his new family."

Laura hummed skeptically in response.

"And I never said Carmilla was a cheater. She just... changes her mind a lot."

"What about you?" Laura asked.

"Me? I'm a man of my word," JP responded, as he puffed out his chest. Laura snatched the camera from his hands and smiled at her own swiftness.

"Give me that so I can finally push you in the pool," she stated, getting up from her chair.

JP yelped in response and got up, as well.

"You'll have to catch me first," he called out over his shoulder, as he ran back towards the garden.

Laura shook her head with a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! Hope you enjoy :)

An annoying combination of ringing and buzzing, that sounded oddly like Carmilla's phone alarm, filled the room. She swatted at the nightstand hoping that with any luck she'd blindly land on the off button. Finally, the room was quiet. When she heard the noise again, Carmilla startled awake immediately noticing her hand was numb from being left extended out on top of the small table. "Fuck," she said to herself, as she rolled over and rubbed at her shoulder. 

She sat upright in bed and saw that she was missing her sleeping partner. Ell was always non-functional before coffee, so her best guess was that her fiancé was downstairs acquiring it right about now.

Carmilla rubbed her face with both hands as her mind finally started to join her from the dream world. "Breakfast," she mumbled. "Breakfast with mother."

She begrudgingly pulled herself from bed and poked her head out of their bedroom door. The house was quiet. She went over to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Then she returned to the room and changed clothes. She sniffed herself briefly deciding that she was correct in her assumption that she could forego a shower before food.

Carmilla crept down the stairs looking for her mother. She spotted Mr. Hollis sitting in a robe at the kitchen table. He was sipping coffee as he thumbed through his phone. She was hoping to get away with not actually having to make small talk with him at any point this week. He seemed like a reasonable man. He was probably avoiding it, as well.

With no mother in sight, Carmilla headed back to her room. She sent a text to Lilita to confirm that they were still on. There was no immediate response, so she grabbed a book and settled back into bed. Carmilla was doing her best to not obsessively check her phone, but she was genuinely hungry. She could go downstairs and grab a snack, but she didn't want to eat without her mother. And, she also didn't want to make the horrifying mistake of being forced to socialize. Forty-three minutes. It had been forty-three minutes since she sent that text. This was stupid.

Just then, she heard the front door to the house open and the muffled, jovial voice of her mother talking. 

She jumped out of bed and made a beeline for the stairs. As she neared the bottom, she saw Lilita and Ell chatting away. They had to-go coffee cups in their hands.

"There you are," Lilita said, finally spotting Carmilla. "I just saw your message."

"Yes," Carmilla responded. She fought to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "I thought we had plans."

Lilita recognized Carmilla's tone. "Well, there's no telling what time you would have woken up," she defended and glanced over at Ell with a smile. "I ran into this one in the kitchen and decided I could catch up with her on all the business. It would give you an opportunity to rest."

"Right," Carmilla said slowly, as her eyes moved back and forth between Lilita and Ell. Carmilla was frustrated that she was feeling upset. It's not like she wanted to spend personal time with her mother, right?

Ell had been strangely quiet during this whole exchange. She moved from Lilita's side to Carmilla's, taking her hand. "Care to join me in the kitchen?" Ell asked, squeezing her grip lightly. "I brought back some bagels." They made it a few steps before they were stopped.

"Carmilla," her mother called, halting her. She turned back to face Lilita. "David and Laura are taking me out to their beach house tomorrow. I would like it if you joined us." Carmilla stared at her for a moment and then nodded. "Maybe we'll have a chance to talk then."

Her eyes glazed over as she took the moment to consider whether that was something she even wanted anymore. She felt the breeze of her mother walking swiftly past her as she headed up the stairs. She let out a long breath. Ell tugged her towards the kitchen.

As soon as they were out of ear shot, Ell pulled her close and whispered, "totally saved your ass with this one." Carmilla didn't respond. "She told me this morning that you two were going to breakfast. I was like, 'not on my watch!'"

"You said that to her?" Carmilla questioned, in a harsh whisper.

"Of course not," Ell responded. She glanced up verifying that they were still alone. "I just knew you probably had gotten guilted into this one. So I stepped in."

"My hero," Carmilla stated, with an unimpressed look on her face.

"Give me a chance to up the ante… a hero with a bag of freshly baked bagels."

Carmilla lifted her eyebrow in response to Ell. "If there's whipped cream cheese in that bag, I'm getting you a cape."

 

///

 

Laura heard the call for lunch and jumped up quickly. She was starving. She slept in with a small hangover this morning and had missed breakfast. Of course, Mr. Lets-Do-Tequila-Shots was all bright eyed and bushy tailed. She focused her attention back on the tv screen just in time to see her video game character get shot. She watched the little man turn in a dramatic circle and collapse to the ground.

"Come on, Laura," JP complained, throwing his hands in the air. "You can't just bail!"

"It's time for food," Laura replied. She motioned for him to get up. He still looked like such a teenager with his backwards baseball cap and a half eaten Twizzler hanging out his mouth as he lounged on a bean bag. Or excuse me, Laura thought, his "gaming throne." She really did need to get out of here.

She tossed the controller on his bed and made her way out and down the stairs. His thundering footsteps right behind her.

"You're terrible, anyway," JP said, as he passed by her with a roll of his eyes.

"I am not," Laura attempted to defend herself, her voice more high pitched than usual. She sat down at the table. "You're clearly terrible…er."

"What are you guys even talking about?" Ell asked. 

"Just a ridiculous video game," Laura said in a huff. "His precious GED 5 or whatever."

"Excuse me," JP scoffed. "It is GTA. Are you sure graduated from college?"

"What _it is_ ," Carmilla interrupted. "Is a sophomoric, sexist game that glamorizes impoverished street violence. And you're not one to be bringing collegiate accomplishments into this discussion."

Carmilla took a seat at the table across from her brother, in between Laura and Ell. Laura watched in mixed awe and fear as a menacing smirk spread across Carmilla's face. "We all know exactly how mama's boy here got into Yale." Carmilla kept her eyes focused on him as she took a slow sip of her ice water.

"Stop it, you two," Lilita said sternly, as she smoothed out the cloth napkin in her lap. 

Laura thought that watching the siblings fight was a lot like watching cats and dogs. JP was a scruffy, silly pup, and Carmilla was all languid and unimpressed like a cat.

"I appreciate the familial antics, but if we could all hold civilized conversations like adults that would be more appreciated," Lilita continued. "David, would you pass me the salad?"

Laura watched her father hand the dish to Lilita. The older woman's eyes softened as soon as they met his. He adjusted in his seat and looked across the table at them.

"So Carmilla and Ell, have you picked a date yet?" he asked. A pleasant smile across his face. Laura could feel Carmilla cringing next to her. 

"Nothing specific nailed down, but we are looking at next Spring," Ell responded, taking the lead. "It seems like a long time away, but you really need all that time to secure a venue, caterer, etc."

"Oh, believe me. I know," David said, with a laugh. "Although, this time seems a lot easier than my first wedding. It's probably cause I'm old now and no one cares."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Lilita responded, playfully. The couple glanced at each other and smiled. "Anyway, Ell tells me that you two are already making plans for children."

The room stilled and all eyes shifted to Carmilla, expectantly. Carmilla lifted her gaze from her plate to look at her mother. Laura thought if you could watch somebody's brain explode behind a completely blank expression, this is what it would look like. The silence was deafening. Laura opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the Dean.

"She said you went off your medication in preparation," Lilita clarified. "Do you really think its the best idea? I know some SSRIs are safe during pregnancy."

Laura couldn't imagine a more mortifying conversation to be having in front of strangers. If Carmilla's posture was any indication, she felt the same way. Laura was in no place to step in, but Carmilla's defense of her before endeared her to the idea. Ell was very momentarily intrigued by whatever was on her plate in front of her.

"I assure you, the two are unrelated," Carmilla said quietly.

"Our business is going really well," Ell stated suddenly, looking up with a bright smile across her face. "We've been securing a bunch of new clients. It's looking like this is our second year that we'll settle in the black."

At this moment, Ell had become the exact definition of a dog and pony show. It wasn't elegant, but it worked. The spotlight was taken off Carmilla, as Ell began to ramble on about some new work they had just procured. Still, Laura was unable to take her eyes off the broody woman seated next to her. She seemed to be shrinking as the seconds ticked by. She could see Carmilla spiraling back into herself. Her presence, so bold before, was now withering.

"That reminds me, Carmilla," David said, startling both Laura and Carmilla. "I have some logo concepts at the beach house I'd love you to take a look at while we're out there."

"Logos?" Carmilla questioned.

"Oh yes! I'm not sure how much you've heard," David said, excitedly. Carmilla shrugged. "I have a 34 foot yacht named 'Elizabeth's Wish' out on the island. It turns out retirement is actually boring as hell, so I'm going to start offering private charters and lessons. It was actually Laura's idea."

"I still think you should have named the boat 'Laura's College Fund,'" Laura replied, quickly. 

"The accurate name would have been 'Laura's Partial College Fund.' I'm not the one that ran off and got a full ride to NYU rendering my father's hard-earned dollars useless," David stated sarcastically, the pride evident in his voice. "So Carmilla, we on?"

Carmilla did her best to produce a smile for the well-intentioned man. Her lips drawn tight as she nodded in agreement. 

 

///

 

Carmilla wiped at the foggy bathroom mirror. She had taken an extra hot shower this morning hoping to relax her muscles a little. Her whole body ached like she had the flu. The soreness and nausea were all part of the process, her psychiatrist had warned her. Anything was better than just feeling vacant all the time. She made her way back into her room, a towel tightly wrapped around her body.

Ell was sitting on the bed with her laptop. She looked up as Carmilla entered. She watched her closely as she went over to her travel bag and pulled out some clean clothes for the day. Carmilla wrapped her towel up on her head and began getting dressed. Her clothes clinging to the places on her body that her skin was still wet.

"You know, that's actually why they make towels," Ell stated, moving the computer off her lap and scooting forward. "So you can dry your body."

Carmilla turned around to look Ell in the eye. "The air does that just fine."

A small smile formed on Ell's lips in response. Her face shifted to one of concern. "You sure you're going to be ok out there for a couple days?"

"Only time will tell," Carmilla replied simply. She was adjusting the items in her suit case so she could zip it up.

Ell got up from the bed and walked over to the window. She spotted Laura in the drive way loading her bag into the back of an old Chevy pick-up truck. 

"Oooh wee, you better not forget your banjo," Ell teased, as Carmilla joined her by the window. "I don't mean to sound like a total New England yuppie, but how does a retired cop have an extra beach home?"

"He inherited it, I think," Carmilla responded. She gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You sure you're going to be ok here for a couple days?"

"Yeah," Ell stated taking one last look out the window. "I have plenty of work to do. I might end up going into the city if need be."

"Well, enjoy suburbia," Carmilla said. Ell gave her a final kiss and Carmilla headed out.

The first 20 minutes of the car ride were quiet. Carmilla went through her work emails on her phone and caught up on news. Laura's old truck rumbled down the highway. Her window was partially open and her hair whipped about her face in the breeze. Carmilla could almost feel Laura thinking. It was clear she wanted to talk. Laura looked over at her for the hundredth time. Carmilla finally gave in and met her eyes.

"I know it's none of my business," Laura started. "But I just wanted to say that it was totally not ok, what your mom said yesterday. And I would have been upset, too. I can't even believe she would go there in front of us."

Carmilla propped her elbow up on the side of the door. Her finger touching her lips as she stared out the passenger side window.

"You're right," she responded. "It is none of your business."

The car went silent, again. Carmilla felt only mildly guilty at shutting down Laura's attempt to offer her support. But it was not a discussion she was open to. Ell hadn't done the best job explaining away why the Dean knew about their plans. She knew Ell was close with her mother, but she had always hoped her fiancé had her best interests in mind. She didn't want to consider the alternative. And, she also didn't need Little Miss Moppet here feeling bad for her.

"Could you grab me the cookies out of the glove box?" Laura asked, drawing Carmilla's attention. She sighed and popped open the compartment to find the desired sweets. 

"What is your obsession with sugar?" Carmilla questioned, as she handed them to her.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you were quite friendly with a cupcake the first time I saw you, and I heard you yesterday spitting out that bagel cause it had 'devilishly tricked you into believing it was a donut.'" Carmilla made air quotes around the words, mocking Laura's obvious overreaction. 

"Sometimes a lady has expectations," Laura said quickly, taking a substantial bite of her over-sized chocolate chip cookie. 

She offered one to Carmilla, but was met with an unenthused glare. Carmilla's large sunglasses slid down her nose a bit as she stared at her. After a beat, Carmilla surprisingly accepted the confection and took a bite. Laura smiled.

"So you went to NYU?" Carmilla asked. 

"Graduated a couple years ago," Laura confirmed. 

"Is that so? We may have had a year or two of lap over," Carmilla responded, as she gazed out the passenger side window. "What was your major?"

"Journalism. You?" Laura asked, quickly. She was trying her best to hide her excitement at Carmilla actually showing interest. 

"That explains the nosiness," Carmilla commented. "I double majored in Graphic Design and Philosophy."

Laura looked at her questioningly, not understanding how the two fit.

"We've got to question why we make art," Carmilla said somewhat smugly. "It was kind of a hobby. Plus, the second major really irritated my mother."

"Ah," Laura said, a single nod of understanding from her.

Laura pulled the old truck into the ferry parking lot and parked in the vehicle queue. Carmilla peered around the cars in front of them seeing a man in an orange vest starting to wave them on. She rolled down her window completely. The smell of the sea filled Carmilla's nostrils. She watched the ferry ship sway in the gentle swells. It would all be quite relaxing if the nearby fishing boats weren't doubling down on that whole dead fish smell, while their shoremen yelled profanities at each other. Carmilla followed Laura's lead. The activity seemed like such second nature to her. Laura's thoughts appeared to be elsewhere, like she was just functioning on autopilot as they drove aboard.

Carmilla purchased some less than stellar coffee from the small cafe on the ship. The caffeine helping her come alive even though it was almost already midday. She saw Laura standing outside on the bow. The tourist surrounding her all had their cameras pointed out towards the water. Laura, on the other hand, was focusing her camera back towards the boat. She could only imagine that the overly enthusiastic woman was in the process of investigating something new. It seemed like Laura's natural state. 

Laura lowered her camera, her gaze still fixed on the Captain's deck up above. Carmilla walked closer to the window that separated the interior from the deck. Laura's brow was scrunched in thought. It reminded her of the first night they met. The little journalist seem to have no control over separating her expressive face from her internal thoughts. Carmilla found that she liked the idea of that. The fact that Laura's emotions were so accessible and clear. It was oddly refreshing, even if it did seem to foster Laura's total lack of boundaries.

 

///

 

The pair arrived safely and made their way out to the beach house. Laura drove up a long, gravel driveway finally bringing the vehicle to a stop right next to the home. It was a little more rustic than Carmilla was used to, but wasn't at all unpleasant. The house had clearly been renovated, with a gorgeous large deck and swimming pool in the back yard. They both grabbed their bags and headed toward the door.

Mr. Hollis came out with a huge smile, greeting them enthusiastically. He held the door open as Laura wrapped her arms around him and he placed a kiss on top of her head. Carmilla approached him timidly concerned she would receive the same treatment. Thankfully, he greeted her with a simple smile and nod of his head. She walked into the house and he followed behind shutting the door.

"We're going to put our stuff away, Daddy," Laura called out over her shoulder, as she headed down a dark hallway. Carmilla followed her unsure of where to go. They made their way to a large, open room. Ceiling to floor windows comprised the exterior wall. If you looked hard enough, you could see the rolling waves and white sand of the beach in the distance. Carmilla glanced down at the set of twin beds in the room and bit her tongue. She didn't know she'd be stuck bunking with the munchkin.

"Carmilla!" She heard Laura's father call her name. Carmilla dropped her suit case on the far bed and made her way back to the main area of the house.

As soon as she came into view, Mr. Hollis started talking. She discovered it was something him and his daughter had quite in common.

"I know you just got in," David said, leading her over to his computer desk. "But I just got in a new set, and I really want to get your feedback. But if you want to rest and maybe I could make you a sandwich or something, we could do that first. I'd love for you to take a look but no pressure."

"It's ok," Carmilla said, with a smirk. She preferred that they talk about work. She didn't need any follow-up personal questions like at lunch the day before.

David opened up the PDF and Carmilla scanned the logo options. The name "Hollis Sailboat Tours" appeared in various forms and scripts. Some options considerably more preferable than others.

"These are nice," Carmilla said, staring closely as she pointed towards the screen. "See the clean lines and spacing. It's reminiscent of the sea, but not obvious." David nodded his head. "You'll want to keep in mind that this brand mark will be on all of your materials: digital, print, maybe even black and white prints. So you want to select something that will translate well to all those mediums."

"What do you think about this one?" David asked, eagerly. "That looks fun, right?"

Carmilla met his eyes with a skeptical stare and a raise of her eyebrow. She looked back at his selection. There was a lot going on with a boat and a crab and a… was that a sea pirate? It looked like something that would adorn a chain seafood restaurant menu.

"It's a little cheesy and obvious for my taste," she finally responded, flatly.

"Well, yeah," David replied. "Aren't ship captains usually pretty cheesy?" He laughed at his own comment and Carmilla couldn't help but chuckle, as well.

"Valid point. Maybe go with something like that but ask them to scale it back a little. You can be cheesy, but you shouldn't be complicated."

David smiled at her suggestion, seeming very pleased with her advice. Carmilla shifted suddenly a little uncomfortable now that business seem to be over.

"So, where's my mother at?" she questioned, her eyes darting around the room.

David's expression changed to one of confusion. "She didn't tell you?" he asked. Carmilla stared at him frozen. "She's not able to make it. Something came up at work. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I thought you knew."

Carmilla swallowed hard and let out a breath. She couldn't make eye contact with him anymore. Two Hollises in one day pitying her was too much. Carmilla pointed towards the door and gave David a weak smile. She quickly walked out onto the deck she had spotted earlier. She ran her hand up through her hair. Carmilla pulled her phone from her back pocket and immediately dialed her mother's number.

The line rang as Carmilla's mind raced as to what exactly she was going to say. Like, how could you leave me out here with these strangers? How could you bail on me two days in a row? How could you… her thoughts were interrupted at the beep of her mother's voicemail.

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come. She hit the 'end call' button.


	4. Chapter 4

Laura blinked slowly taking in the orange glow of the setting sun that filled the large bedroom she was resting in. She now realized how tired she was from this past weekend's festivities. Between the party and Lilita's children, she had felt totally drained. After the car ride and ferry trip, she had meant to just take a moment to herself. But somewhere between Tumblr and Instagram, she must have nodded off. She stretched her arms above her head and let out a small yawn.

The house was quieter than expected. Of course, it was always like this out here. That was part of its charm. Laura padded towards the living room and found her father sitting in his favorite chair with his reading glasses on, flipping through another crime novel. After being a cop for 12 years and a detective for 17, she couldn't figure out why he subjected himself to those books. His readings were usually followed by half hour lectures on the inaccuracies in them.

"Hey Daddy," Laura said, leaning over the back of the couch.

David looked up from his book. He placed his index finger between the pages to bookmark his spot as he lowered the novel. "Hey Sweetie. What are you up to?"

"I was just taking a nap," Laura answered, yawning a little again. She rubbed at her face with both hands. "I know I complained a lot about being an only child, but geez." David laughed at his daughter's comment. This new family situation was no doubt stressful on everyone. "Speaking of which, have you seen Carmilla?" she questioned.

"I thought she was with you," he said. Laura shook her head, a concerned expression on her face. Her father continued. "After we reviewed the logos, she went out on the deck to make a call. Then she came back in and I made her a sandwich. I haven't seen her since."

"Huh," Laura said, mostly to herself. She wandered over to the kitchen window to look out into the backyard. The direct light of the setting sun wasn't very helpful. It casted shadows all along the property. Laura let out a frustrated sigh. Carmilla couldn't have gone too far. Maybe she headed down to the beach to watch the sunset over the bay. She couldn't figure out why the broody woman insisted on being quite so antisocial. She thought they had had a moment earlier in the truck. But perhaps Carmilla was just humoring her. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Laura caught some movement and focused her attention on the edge of the yard. She finally was able to make out a slender figure pacing back and forth near their private trail out to the beach. Laura watched her for a moment with a mix of curiosity and concern. She then walked briskly back to her bedroom to put on some shoes and a light jacket. She didn't want to move too slowly and lose track of Carmilla. She grabbed an item from her suitcase and a hoodie for the restless creature outside. 

"I'll be right back." She told her father as she stepped out onto the back porch. He didn't look up from his book, but still hummed in confirmation.

Laura took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the soft light of dusk and walked across the yard slowly. She kept Carmilla in her sights the whole way, approaching with caution. Carmilla looked distressed, mumbling to herself as she paced. Laura didn't want to startle her, so she made herself known as she got closer.

"Hey," Laura said, softly.

Carmilla stilled immediately looking up at her. "Hey," she replied. She nervously ran a hand up through her hair. "I went on a walk to clear my head, and… I guess my head isn't clear yet."

"Do you need some more time?" Laura asked.

"I don't know," Carmilla answered, honestly. 

They stared at each other a moment. The quiet, cool air settling between them. Laura didn't want to push too quickly. She didn't want to risk getting shut down, again. Carmilla's eyes were cloudy, like she was lost somewhere and unable to find her way back. This moment felt decidedly different than the one before.

"I come bearing gifts," Laura said, breaking the silence. She extended her hand, offering Carmilla the hoodie. 

"Thanks," Carmilla whispered. She hadn't noticed she'd been shivering until Laura showed up and broke her focus away from whatever imaginary demons she'd been fighting in her brain. She pulled the grey university sweatshirt on over her head and then rubbed at her arms for warmth.

Laura reached into her pocket. "Wait. There's more!"

"I swear to god, Cupcake. If you pull out more sweets…" 

Carmilla's words were interrupted by a small chrome flask being waved in front of her face. Laura was clearly very pleased with herself for surprising Carmilla. Then she felt her cheeks warm as a blush spread across them. Carmilla couldn't help the smirk that played at her lips. Her eyes shifted from the flask to Laura. "Well, what do we have here? I thought you were a good girl."

"Oh no, you are mistaken," Laura responded, teasingly. "I'm very bad."

"Is that so?"

"Yes," Laura answered with her own smirk. "In fact, I slept with all the prostitutes in that video game your brother forced me to play earlier."

Carmilla's head fell back and she let out a genuine laugh. The sound warmed Laura's chest. She smiled brightly at her. Laura unscrewed the cap and handed her the flask. Carmilla brought it tentatively up under her nose and took a small sniff. The malty smell of whiskey permeated the air. She took a swig, wincing at the burn down her throat. 

"Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my time out here with my father. But that doesn't mean I don't bring provisions."

Carmilla nodded and handed the flask back to her. "See. You're all torn jeans and dark eyeliner, but I think you're a good girl, too," Laura said, as Carmilla rolled her eyes at her words. Laura placed the metal bottle at her lips and drew it up taking a sip. Her eyes never leaving Carmilla's. "But I've also heard you're a bit of a… free spirit."

"Who told you that?" Carmilla asked. The container now passed to her, again. "A little pillow talk with my brother?" She took another sip.

Laura was stunned for a moment. Surely, Carmilla couldn't be serious. "Me and JP?" 

Per usual, Carmilla's face was stoic and Laura couldn't get a solid read on whether the older girl was just speaking in jest. Laura eyes narrowed at Carmilla. 

"I'm exploring all possible ways to become your sister," she continued. "Step sister, sister-in-law, soul sister." Carmilla shoved the flask back in Laura's hands, shaking her head. "Sister from another mister, Christian sister, Twisted Sister..."

"Twisted is right," Carmilla said, stopping Laura from continuing her rambling list.

Laura laughed in response and took a final swig from the flask. She offered it again to Carmilla, but Carmilla politely waved it off. Throughout their conversation, they had floated closer to one another. Their bodies instinctually moved nearer for warmth, if nothing else. They were close enough now, that even in this low light, Laura could see Carmilla's eyes shining back at her. She felt relieved. For the moment, it felt as though the storm had passed.

Laura extended her hand out towards the other woman. Carmilla stared at it not sure how to proceed.

"Come on. I want to show you something," Laura said, softly.

Carmilla slid her hand into Laura's. The feeling of smooth skin distracting her momentarily before she felt herself being tugged along behind Laura towards the beach path. Carmilla was thankful for the glow of the moonlight reflecting off the white sand below their feet. She wasn't sure how Laura could move so confidently in the near dark. She figured she must have made this trek a million times before. Laura turned taking them onto a smaller less-worn path about half way down towards the beach. Carmilla followed her without question. Their hands stayed locked even as the path narrowed. 

Laura chalked the warmth in her belly up to the sips of whiskey from before, but she had no explanation for the fluttering that wouldn't go away. She thought perhaps it was just the excitement of the moment. Things had been so cold between them and now they felt undeniably warmer.

Laura led them out onto the beach, but stayed close to the dunes. She wasn't positive they would be here, but she knew they were due soon. She stopped as soon as she saw the dark spots just ahead. She pulled Carmilla closer and pointed towards them with her free hand.

"There," Laura whispered faintly, as though she was hoping not to disturb even a grain of sand.

Carmilla looked at the other girl questioningly and then focused on the where Laura had pointed to. She was confused for a moment until she realized the dark lumps were moving. They were clumsily jerking from side to side as they zig zagged their way down to the water. She let out a small gasp as she watched in awe. The realization of what she was witnessing filling her chest with excitement. She smiled broadly, totally taken aback by the moment and the sight in front of her. 

Laura felt Carmilla's gaze slowly turn towards her. She mirrored the movement, watching as watery eyes met her own. Before she could utter the multitude of facts about leatherback sea turtles that were racing through her head, she felt warm lips against hers. Laura's world dropped completely out from underneath her, like an unexpected free fall. The rushing in her ears was loud and consuming. Her thoughts were spinning from the overwhelming sensation. The only thing registering in the moment was the feeling of her mouth kissing Carmilla back. Laura's lips were pliant and persistent against hers. Carmilla leaned in closer, cupping the back of Laura's head and bringing them more firmly together. This wasn't unintended. Carmilla hadn't accidentally tripped on a seashell and fallen into Laura's mouth. Carmilla was kissing her with more intention than she had ever felt. And to Laura's surprise, she welcomed it. She gladly accepted the deep, warm caresses. 

Then it was suddenly cold. As quickly as it had began, it had ended. The gentle ocean breeze brushing Laura's cheeks as she slowly opened her eyes. 

She turned to watch Carmilla's dark figure disappear back down the path towards the house.

 

///

 

Carmilla glanced at her phone lock screen registering that it was just before 6 a.m. She couldn't believe that she was fully awake this early. Although, that implied that she ever went to sleep to begin with. Once she had gotten back to the house last night, she quickly changed into her pajamas and curled up in bed. She had desperately willed herself to slip into dreamland, but her mind wouldn't give her the reprieve. Not long after, Laura had entered the room, changed clothes, and got into her own bed. Panic had frozen Carmilla in place as she had heard Laura move to turn off the lamp that sat on the small table between them. 

As the room grew quiet, her mind danced wildly replaying the events of the evening. It was easy enough to tell herself what had happened wasn't real. Yesterday was just a particularly bad day for her psyche. Once she had learned that her mother wasn't joining them on the island, she had spiraled. Maybe she had made it all up as a coping mechanism. She would never do that to Ell. It was impossible. Then Laura would turn in her bed or breathe a little deeper, and the sound would take her back to the moment on the beach. This pattern repeated itself deep into the night until Carmilla finally saw the sky start to turn a lighter shade of dark blue.

Carmilla got up and changed quickly into yesterday's clothes. She couldn't spend another second in this room. She felt like she was suffocating.

Thankfully, the kitchen was not occupied. Carmilla fiddled with the coffee maker attempting to brew something passible enough to make her body feel as awake as her mind. She leaned against the counter, staring off into space as she chewed at her lip. The sound of the coffee percolating echoing in her head. She took a deep breath.

Carmilla quietly opened and closed cabinet doors searching for the mugs. She finally located them and poured herself a cup. She watched the steam rise from it as she tapped her fingers against the countertop. She pulled out her phone and searched for any available cab services. The options were limited, but she found one that opened in 30 minutes. Carmilla grabbed her coffee and headed out onto the deck.

The damp, cool ocean breeze cut right through her thin tshirt and Carmilla shivered. She wrapped her hands around the mug, holding it close to her chest as she looked out at the waves in the distance. The hot coffee was helping her feel a little more normal. She opened up her work email and scanned the new items. Nothing was registering. She may as well have been staring at a wall. Ell's name in the "From" field caught her attention. She felt her stomach drop as she clicked on the email.

> _Your mom just walked in the house. I thought she was supposed to be with you. WTF??? I was going to text but didn't want to wake you. Hope you're surviving the wild with Captain Hollis. Don't get scurvy!_
> 
> _\- Love, Ell_

Carmilla read the words over and over again. She blinked rapidly and then looked at the clock. It was finally time. She dialed the number and listened to it ring.

"Oh good. You're up!" 

Carmilla turned around to see Mr. Hollis standing half way out the back door. He looked very chipper considering the time. Carmilla stared at him wide-eyed. 

"You're going to join us on the boat today, right?" David asked. His voice filled with hope.

Carmilla vaguely registered a voice on the other end of the phone line repeating "hello." She quickly hung up. 

"Of course," she finally responded to David. She shook her head as she thought to herself, _what the fuck am I doing?_

 

///

 

Carmilla didn't have much time to dwell on her choice, as David became a non-stop flow of instruction and general nautical information. The man talked excitedly the entire way through breakfast, as they packed the truck, and were well onto the boat. Laura and her father moved seamlessly together getting the yacht launched. It was clear she had had plenty of practice being his _first-mate_. 

Carmilla had never been 100% sure there was a God, but in this moment she was willing to thank whatever entity made it possible for her to not have to speak to Laura the entire morning. The most she was made to suffer through was their hands briefly brushing together as they all sat shoulder to shoulder on the truck's bench seat on the way to the marina. Now, she was sitting with her legs stretched out on the bow of the boat avoiding getting in the way of the busy 2-man crew.

David had luckily permitted her just to be an observer, as this was her first experience on a sail boat. Carmilla pushed her sunglasses back into position on her nose as she attentively watched them raise the main sail. David was explaining how they were "cranking the halyard until the luff was tight." She nodded in comprehension even though she had no clue what the poor man was saying. And, she certainly wasn't watching the toned muscles in Laura's arms and back flex as she helped her father.

When they made their way into deeper waters, instruction time ended and Carmilla finally had a moment to just close her eyes and let the rise and fall of the boat lure her into a semi-unconscious state. Unfortunately, the more Carmilla tried to push yesterday out of her mind, the more her mind pressured her to deal with it. She just wanted a moment of peace. As she breathed in the salty air, she finally felt like that might be possible. She let her head fall back, and she felt the sun caress her face. 

Carmilla heard the movement near her, but kept her eyes closed. It was the light sounds of someone settling in next to her.

"My dad wanted to make sure you have enough SPF," Laura said. Carmilla opened one eye and looked over at her. Laura was kind enough to keep her gaze fixed out on the open ocean. A bottle of sunscreen sat in her hands.

"He had me apply it twice before we left, so I'm guessing I'm good," Carmilla responded, looking out onto the water, as well.

Laura lightly nodded her head as she pursed her lips. Her hair was tied up into a messy bun. Carmilla kept her face forward but watched Laura out of the corner of her eye. The proximity of the girl made Carmilla itch. She couldn't deny that she found her attractive, but that wasn't reason enough to do what she had done. Carmilla wasn't an animal. She could control her impulses. 

Laura finally turned her head towards Carmilla and their eyes locked. Her gaze dropped to Laura's mouth. She swallowed deeply. _It was those turtles_ , Carmilla thought. Those fucking baby turtles. Watching them fight their way along the sand filled her with such _hope_ for their future and _fear_ for their lives and _joy_ at their birth and _pain_ at them leaving their nest. It was like every god damn emotion rolled up into one single moment. It was like a wave that crashed over her, the undertow sucking her in, pulling her to the bottom as the water consumed her. It was like pressing her mouth against Laura's was the only way for her to breathe in that moment.

"You know, our parents met sailing," Laura stated. 

Carmilla shuddered. She paused for a second to focus her thoughts. She could do this. She could be normal. She could hold a normal conversation.

"My mother on a boat," Carmilla scoffed. "I can't picture that."

"She had to for some Ivy league schmoozing thing," Laura explained. "My dad's friend had asked him to come captain his boat, so he could focus on his guests."

Carmilla forced herself to look away from the girl. She watched the white caps on the swells. A pelican that had been floating in the distance, flapped its wings steadily taking off into the breeze. She thought of her mother lounging on a yacht in a large floppy hat and sunglasses. A glass of champagne held gingerly in her fingertips as she laughed joyfully with a friend. The thought made her briefly question how easy it was to drown oneself.

"How did my mother manage to not scare him off immediately?" Carmilla questioned. She still struggled to imagine this whole scenario. 

Laura smiled wistfully. "I think my dad was more worried about impressing Lilita. He'd been out of practice for quite some time."

"I'm sure its like riding a bike or something," Carmilla responded. "I mean, he had managed to woo your mom at some point even if it didn't stick."

Carmilla felt the energy immediately shift. Laura's face dropped and she looked back out onto the water. Carmilla didn't know what she had said, but she got the overwhelming feeling she had made even more of an ass of herself. She watched Laura's brow scrunch as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Laura! I need you back on duty!" David yelled, from the wheel. 

Laura got up quickly and went to the ropes. Carmilla bit at the inside of her cheek as she watched her leave.

Captain Hollis was concerned with a storm he had spotted on the radar off the coast. There was no need to rush, but he wanted to get them safely back into harbor. They all focused on the task at hand, even though Carmilla's main responsibility was to stay out of the way. As they pulled back into the slip, David asked her to go below and retrieve the Dry Bag. It held their keys, wallets, and phones.

Carmilla carefully climbed down the mahogany steps. "Galley. He said the bag is in the galley," she whispered to herself. Life is complicated enough. Carmilla didn't understand why everything had to have a different name just cause it was on a floating object. She finally spotted the bag on the counter. She picked it up and turned around, immediately jumping at the sight of Laura directly behind her. 

"Shit. Sorry," Laura said, trying to hold back a laugh.

Carmilla placed her hand over mouth for a moment and then ran it up through her hair. She sighed as she shook her head with a smile. Laura stared into her eyes and moved closer. The small cabin space felt as though it narrowed even more. Carmilla licked her lips unconsciously. Laura's eyes were drawn down to Carmilla's mouth. They stayed fixated there. Carmilla suddenly felt the cabin wall at her back. She hadn't even registered that she had been taking small steps backwards as Laura moved towards her.

"Why did you kiss me?" Laura asked. Her voice sounded strange in Carmilla's ears. Laura's face looked full of desperation.

Her hands went to Carmilla's waist, grasping just above her hips. Carmilla clutched the bag between them in an effort to not touch the girl. Laura hovered her mouth over Carmilla's, breathing her in. Her scent was surrounding Carmilla making her feel light headed. Carmilla simultaneously thanked and cursed the bag that blocked them from pressing their bodies together. She desired them to be fitted against each other chest to chest. She let out a shaky breath.

The sound of the hatch opening startled them both. Laura stepped back from Carmilla.

"Let's get a move on, ladies," David called down to them.

Laura glanced one final time at Carmilla and then made her way up the ladder.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be a lot more difficult to write than originally expected. So there's a high chance I may have over thought the whole thing and ruined the vibe. Hopefully, that is not the case! Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments. They always make my day. Hope you enjoy. And for those of you in the States, Happy Thanksgiving!

The ride back to the house was considerably quieter than the one out to the marina earlier that morning. After securing the yacht, Mr. Hollis had taken the girls to go get something to eat at his favorite local spot. Laura could tell that Carmilla wasn't thrilled when they pulled up to the "Seafood Shack." Her left eyebrow was raised high as she stared at the father and daughter skeptically. She seemed to relax once she discovered that the food was remarkably better than the decor. 

The three were pretty tired from their day adventure out on the water, so dinner was mostly spent focused on eating. Laura couldn't help but talk with her father animatedly about a few things, but she made sure not to push Carmilla into conversation.

Afterwards, they were once again all pressed together shoulder-to-shoulder on the bench seat of the old Chevy. David was driving, and Laura sat in the middle wedged between him and Carmilla. Laura's father had his arm resting on the open window and she could hear him humming to himself. Carmilla seemed focused only on watching the setting sun. Laura let out a soft sigh. She wasn't sure how she had ended up here. 

She could feel the warmth of Carmilla's body radiating into her side and it was making her heart drum against her chest. Laura glanced quickly over at her father. She then slid her hand down into the space between her and Carmilla. She gently rested her palm on top of the other woman's hand. She felt Carmilla stiffen in response. Carmilla pulled her own hand quickly back up into her lap, and Laura did the same. Then she felt the side of Carmilla's thigh press more firmly against her own. Laura fought back a small smile.

David pulled up into their driveway and parked. They all wordlessly piled out of the truck and made their way into the house. As Carmilla started walking towards the long hallway that led to their room, she felt Laura grab her hand holding her in place.

"We're going to go swimming," Laura announced, to her father. 

"Ok," he replied, scratching at his head. "I'm going to hit the hay. Just don't make too much noise. And turn off the pool lights when you're done."

Laura nodded and pulled Carmilla out the back door onto the deck. She kept a firm grip on her hand until they were standing next to the pool. Then she let go so she could remove her top and shorts. She still had her bikini on underneath her clothes from boating earlier. Carmilla stood still as she watched more and more of Laura's skin being revealed to her. She continued staring even as Laura crossed her arms over her stomach waiting for Carmilla to remove her own clothes.  

"I don't recall agreeing to this, Cupcake," Carmilla finally said.

Laura rolled her eyes at the comment. She went to the edge of the pool and dove in. She swam underneath the water and then came to the surface near the center of the pool. Carmilla was still standing there at the edge in her clothes. Laura treaded the water as she wiped her hair back from her face.

"Are you always this stubborn?" Laura asked. "Is this something I should prepare myself for?"

Carmilla narrowed her eyes at the girl. "Fine," she huffed, as she stripped down to her bathing suit.

Laura's eyes followed Carmilla as she made her way over to the steps that lead into the shallow end of the pool. Carmilla tentatively moved deeper and deeper into the water making her way down the steps. "It's warm," she commented, as her feet finally touched the bottom of the pool. She waded slowly, skimming her hands across the top of the water as she walked. Laura swam up next to her.

"You want to race?" Laura asked, a playful smile at her lips.

"Oh. I don't think you want to do that," Carmilla replied.

"Just to the other end." Laura turned around preparing to take off. "Go!" She exclaimed, suddenly diving forward into the freestyle position. She stretched her arms and kicked her legs as fast as her body would allow her, taking off down to the other end of the pool. As she approached, she looked up just in time to see Carmilla's hand touch the concrete side first. She stopped immediately splashing her hands down in frustration.

"What the hell?" Laura gasped.

Carmilla smirked at her and gave the girl a half-hearted shrug. "Swim team," Carmilla stated, simply.

Laura moved closer and grabbed onto the side of the pool. "You didn't strike me as the athletic type," she said in response.

"I'm not," Carmilla admitted. "I dropped out Junior year. You're just slow. Honestly, I expected more from a girl that spends so much time on a boat."

"There's a reason I stay _in_ the boat," Laura commented. "I'm a fine swimmer. I just don't have the longest stride."

"No kidding," Carmilla remarked, placing her hand on the side of the pool near Laura's.

They were facing each other now somewhat hidden from the world underneath the extended diving board. The lights from the pool casted a soft glow on their faces. Laura watched Carmilla closely, letting her mouth dip just below the surface of the water as her eyes stayed fixed on the other girl. She didn't like being this close to her. She so easily got wrapped up in those dark eyes. Carmilla had a talent for keeping a blank expression on her face, but in her eyes Laura could see the storm.

Laura reached out her free hand underneath the water and skimmed her fingers lightly against Carmilla's bare side. The touch made Laura's heart flutter. She placed her hand flat against Carmilla's stomach, turning the other woman's body until Carmilla's back was against the side of the pool. Laura placed both of her hands on either side of Carmilla's head grabbing the concrete ledge behind the woman and pinning her to the wall. Carmilla moved her hands to rest on Laura's shoulders. 

"You never answered me before," Laura whispered, her mind vividly recalling that moment in the boat cabin.

Carmilla was struggling to hold steady breaths. There was no bag to divide them now. All she could feel was Laura's soft skin. Their legs and hips brushed against each other underneath the water. Carmilla had no answer. She simply leaned forward claiming Laura's lips with her own. Laura's mind went blank at the contact. She hummed against Carmilla's mouth feeling her lower lip being tugged gently between the other woman's teeth. Laura opened her mouth further, sliding her tongue against Carmilla's. Her whole body was buzzing. Laura pulled back just far enough to tilt her head to the other side and press their lips firmly together again. She continued the caress for as long as she could until it was finally necessary for her to separate for air. 

Laura stared at Carmilla's kiss swollen lips and then shifted her gaze up to look her in the eyes. She abruptly pushed herself underneath the water, taking a moment to place a soft kiss on Carmilla's stomach, before swimming away from the woman. She emerged closer to the center of the pool and stretched her arms and legs out to float on her back. Laura stared up at the night sky. It was clear, and she could see the stars shining brightly above her. She pretended for a moment that she was floating in space. The constellations were her only reference for direction.

"You were right," Carmilla said, quietly. "It wasn't ok what my mother said at lunch the other day."

Laura turned her head to the side to see Carmilla now floating near her. She was quietly staring up at the sky, as well. Laura wasn't sure how to respond. She honestly never expected Carmilla to want to speak of that, again. She definitely had made it clear that she had overstepped her boundaries before. 

"Ell knows that I'm not going off the meds to have kids. She's just so dead set on that being the reason that I think she can't hear anything else," Carmilla admitted, mostly to the stars above. Laura was in that sky, though. She was catching all her words.

"I'm sorry," Laura said, softly. She let a beat pass before asking, "why are you?"

Carmilla brought herself up, allowing herself to stand in the shallow end of the pool. Laura joined her pulling herself upright, as well.

"I didn't mean to pry," Laura offered.

"Yes you did," Carmilla responded quickly. She ducked under the water a moment, running her fingers through her hair. She wiped at her eyes as she came up for air. "It's like the other day on the ferry. What were you pointing your camera at?"

Laura blushed. She didn't know Carmilla had been watching her.

"It was nothing," she deflected. Carmilla smirked at the girl, nodding for her to continue. "It was the captain," Laura said. She ran her hands underneath the water in front of her. Her arms were extended, as she watched the water flow between her fingertips. "He was drunk or high on pills or something. It's pretty common in those kinds of jobs."

"And you were going to break the story?"

"In my mind," Laura stated, biting at her lip. "It's important. People need to know the truth so they can make decisions; so they can fight for what's right." Laura swam over to the edge of the pool. "I see things and I want to tell the world about them."

She pulled herself up on to the side and sat with her legs dangling into the water. The night air cooled her overheated skin. She heard rumbling in the distance. The storm her father had spotted earlier on the radar was finally moving in. 

"You're just a regular Lois Lane," Carmilla said, as she pulled herself up to sit beside Laura. 

A quiet fell between them. Laura wasn't sure if either of them really understood what was happening. This dynamic came so easily to them. It felt so inevitable. The implications of that were much too overwhelming to consider for more than a passing second. Carmilla looked down as she moved her feet lightly in the water. She had a sheepish grin on her face. Obviously, there was something tugging at her thoughts. "This is a stupid question," Carmilla started and then stopped, letting the inquiry dissipate into the night air. Laura nudged her to continue. She looked up and met Laura's eyes. "So, are you gay?"

Laura couldn't help the broad grin that overtook her face. This was perhaps the most oddly adorable moment she had seen from the other girl. Carmilla dipped her head shyly, and Laura could see the light blush growing on her neck and cheeks.

"Yes," Laura answered. "How about you?" She asked facetiously with a gentle nudge, as if the female fiancé wasn't a dead giveaway.

Carmilla let out a long breath as she looked back up at the night sky. "Honestly, I haven't felt anything at all in such a long time that…" She was unable to finish her sentence. She looked over at Laura and gave her a sad smile. "I'll put it this way. Last time I felt something, I was pretty gay."

"Well, your tongue in my mouth felt pretty gay," Laura quipped.

She had a moment to chuckle at her own comment, and then suddenly a hand was at her back shoving her towards the water. When she surfaced, she saw Carmilla walking around to the other side of the pool. She scooped up her clothes and turned to stare at Laura with a smirk. 

"That bunched up little face you make when you're angry is hilarious, buttercup," Carmilla stated. Laura was still stunned. She had no words. Carmilla watched her for a moment and then turned back around to walk towards the house. 

"I'm going to take a shower," she called out, and then disappeared inside.

 

///

 

Carmilla turned the page of her book, letting out a small yawn. She had taken a quick shower and then settled into her twin bed. She decided to catch up on some reading to give her hair more time to dry and her mind a moment of rest. All the excitement over the past week felt like it was starting to catch up with her. Light rain pattered against the large windows in the bedroom, and the sound was helping lull her towards dreamland. She wasn't sure where Laura had wandered off to after their swim. She honestly thought it best to not let the woman linger in her thoughts, anyway. Carmilla switched off the lamp and set her book down on the same table.

A few minutes later, Laura quietly entered and settled into her own bed. The movement in the room was enough to pull Carmilla awake. Thoughts of Laura flooded her brain and she tightly closed her eyes hoping to push them away and return to sleep.

It wasn't until Carmilla startled awake at the sound of thunder that she realized she had actually managed to fall asleep. It had only been a couple hours at most. She shifted in her bed taking a deep breath. 

Carmilla heard the rustling beside her and knew Laura was stirring. She watched the movement of the other girl in the dark. She felt the bed dip next to her. Laura slid under the cotton sheets and rested her head on Carmilla's pillow. Carmilla remained turned on her side, faced away from her new bedmate. 

"You scared of the thunder?" she asked in a whisper.

"No," Laura mumbled. Her voice sounded rough and unclear like she wasn't fully awake.

Carmilla felt fingertips slide against the exposed strip of skin just below the hem of her tank top. It was the same place Laura had gripped her hips in the boat cabin and the same place she had first touched her in the pool. She didn't know why Laura seemed to think this was an acceptable point of contact. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe that was the point. It was too intimate to be friendly, but not too much to be unable to retreat. 

It didn't matter where Laura touched her, Carmilla always felt the sensation in every inch of her body. Her pulse quickened and her skin heated. It wasn't about where. It was just about the fact that Laura was making physical contact at all. It made her feel like an irrational, desperate mess. She wondered if Laura felt the same.

Carmilla finally turned over. She placed her palm gently against Laura's cheek. The other woman looked flustered but determined. An emotional conflict danced behind her eyes, but lust seemed to be winning out. Laura closed the distance. She pressed her mouth against Carmilla's tentatively. When she felt the kiss being reciprocated, she brought their bodies together. 

Carmilla fought back a light moan as she moved her hand to the back of Laura's head. She threaded her fingers through Laura's thick hair and pulled the woman even closer. Laura shifted her upper body on top of Carmilla, pushing her down into the mattress. Then her legs followed, and she straddled Carmilla's hips. Their mouths only parted to take quick breaths. They stayed connected throughout their movement. Laura's kisses were deep and steady. They were both completely consumed, lost in the fog of their shared desire. 

Laura slowly drug her hand up Carmilla's side and cupped her breast over her thin tank top. She then repeated the path, this time slipping her hand underneath the offending garment. They both shuddered at the contact. The moment felt like quicksand; the more they moved, the deeper they sank. Carmilla slid her hands up under Laura's t-shirt, scratching lightly at the woman's back. Laura sat upright on Carmilla's thighs and pulled her shirt up over her head. She tossed it to the side as Carmilla placed both of her hands on Laura's abdomen and slowly ran them up her stomach, between her breasts, and then wrapped them behind Laura's neck. She pulled her down into a searing kiss. Carmilla ached to feel her skin against Laura's and they both worked to quickly remove Carmilla's top.

Their bare chests finally rubbed against each other, stoking the rising heat between them. Laura moved her mouth to Carmilla's neck. Her tongue darting out to wet the skin as she kissed her way across her collarbone and down to her chest. Carmilla grasped at Laura's hips increasing the friction as they began to gently grind against each other. 

This was happening. The one thing Carmilla couldn't let happen. Things had already gone much too far before. Carmilla could have brushed that off as simply indulging in a harmless flirtation. She worked to bury the kisses far away from her conscious thoughts. Those could be shoved away to a dark corner, never to be spoken of again. But what was happening now, had no chance of being buried. Her brain wouldn't do her the favor of letting her hold onto a single thought for more than a fleeting moment. She couldn't construct a reason to stop. It all felt too good. She now realized how much the simple act of feeling had become so foreign to her. The last couple days had changed that reality dramatically. It was overwhelming feeling Laura moving on top of her with such insistence. She hated that she loved the sensation so much.

Laura kissed Carmilla's breasts, pulling a nipple into her warm mouth and working it into a stiff peak. Carmilla's body was incredibly responsive to her touch, and Laura could hear her heart pounding thunderously in her chest. The rain had picked up outside and it drummed loudly against the roof, muting everything except for the soft whimpers that echoed in the room. Laura brought her mouth back up to Carmilla's. They kissed through soft breaths as Carmilla continued to work their hips together. 

Laura placed delicate kisses on the other woman's shoulder, and then she adjusted her position so that she could slide down Carmilla's body. Laura lips ghosted across her chest and stomach, as she descended under the covers. Carmilla felt Laura's fingers hook into the side of her shorts and underwear. She bent her legs making it easier for Laura to completely remove the clothing. She then brought her arms above her head, as Laura settled between her thighs. Laura skimmed light kisses from the back of her knees down to the apex of her thighs before taking Carmilla fully into her mouth. 

Carmilla fought to focus her eyes. She needed anything to anchor her to reality. The feeling of Laura's mouth on her was causing her thoughts to spin. She felt light headed, her shallow, quick breaths doing nothing to help that cause. Carmilla let out a sharp sigh, and she gripped the sheets tightly to keep from grabbing onto the back of Laura's head. She was fighting a losing battle. Every movement of Laura's tongue against her pushed her closer and closer. 

Laura made her way back up Carmilla's body leaving a trail of kisses along her torso. She pressed her lips against Carmilla's soundly, Laura's tongue dipping into the other woman's mouth. Carmilla pulled Laura tightly against her body in hopes of easing her shaking. She was strung tight like a bow with no option now but to beg for release. 

Thankfully, Laura had no intention of holding out on her. Laura slid her hand down between their bodies and stroked at Carmilla, judging her readiness. She then pushed deep inside the other woman causing both of them to let out strangled moans. Carmilla's thoughts completely abandoned her in that moment. She could only focus on the immense pleasure coursing through her body. They moved in perfect sync with the same intention. Carmilla was hurtling toward her release, and Laura was desperately doing her best to get her there. Every second that ticked by, Laura could feel it building. As Carmilla's body finally clinched, granting her the release, Laura sucked hard on her shoulder. Laura held on tight, Carmilla's skin between her teeth as the woman beneath her came undone.

Carmilla felt as though she was suddenly back in the warm pool, floating gently as she stared at the stars. Her body shuddered lightly as the ripples of pleasure slowly faded. She clutched onto Laura holding her as close as physically possible. She believed that this moment only existed because of Laura, and she clung to her as if everything would disappear if she let go.

Laura settled into the embrace. She wrapped her arms around Carmilla and nuzzled under her chin. Her body was damp with sweat. Carmilla ran her hands through Laura's hair, pulling it away from her neck to help her cool off. She could feel how content the other woman was laying on her chest. It wasn't long before she heard the deep, soft breaths that revealed to her that Laura had fallen asleep.

Carmilla stared at the ceiling wide eyed and listened to the steady rain outside. She felt blank. It was distinctly different from the usual numbness or apathy. She just felt like a newly cleaned whiteboard or a reformatted hard drive. There was a reset and now just all this space. 

Exhaustion finally overtook her and she slipped into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This unintended hiatus was brought to you by "being busy™" and "a little bit of writer's block®." Sorry about the 2 week gap y'all, but I'm back! Where we last left off... the girls were snuggled into bed with each other, and the heavy rainstorm outside wasn't the only thing that was wet. Oh snap! Now, onto the show.

Heavy footsteps echoed down the hall. The creak of wooden floorboards, that had seen many more days than the current occupants in the house, cut through the early morning still. Laura flinched at the sound and immediately felt the reactionary movement of something next to her. Carmilla's head was resting on her chest, and her warm, very _not-clothed_ body was stretched against the length of her. She watched Carmilla's eyes flutter open, a panicked look across her face as she took in her surroundings. 

Carmilla pushed up quickly, searching for her shirt across the top of the bedspread. No longer trapped underneath the other woman, Laura used her newfound freedom to do the same. She slid off the mattress and plucked up her t-shirt as she made her way back to her own bed. The footsteps in the hallway stopped, and Laura heard soft knocking against the door. She pulled her shirt on as fast as she could.

The door slowly opened and her father leaned in, his hand covering his eyes.

"I don't mean to intrude," he said, blindly to the room.

"It's ok, Dad."

"Oh, good." Mr. Hollis lowered his hand and stood there awkwardly for a moment. "I didn't want to wake you girls up too early, but we do need to get moving if we're going to make the ferry."

Laura nodded her head in understanding. She looked back over her shoulder at Carmilla, who just seemed to be frozen in time staring at the wall. As soon as David closed their bedroom door, the other girl got up out of bed. Laura watched silently as Carmilla collected her clothes and made her way to the bathroom. 

They had been trading places throughout their morning preparations. Carmilla left the bathroom as Laura entered. Carmilla vacated the kitchen as soon as Laura arrived for breakfast. Carmilla ducked out of the bedroom right as Laura returned. There was no opportunity to talk. Laura honestly had no clue what to say even if she had managed to corner the other woman. Last night was cloudy and warm in her head. The memory felt like something precious to be protected. The closer they got to actually leaving the island, the more Laura felt the tiny, piercing needles of truth starting to work their way into her thoughts. The discomfort of reality made Laura feel unstable at best.

Laura exited the house from the side door, her head in a complete fog. She pushed herself toward the truck and threw her bag in the back. A flash of movement from up the driveway caught her attention. Her father was walking away from the house, but he had stopped and was now staring at her.

David shoved his hands in his pockets making eye contact with his daughter. She looked at him questioningly.

"I'm going to see if Phil will give us a ride," he stated loudly, so she could hear him.

"Why?" Laura asked, shaking her head.

"Truck won't start," he explained. 

Laura let out a huff at his words and jumped into the driver side of the vehicle. David recognized this stubborn streak in his daughter and started walking back towards her. She pumped the gas pedal a few times and turned the key. The ignition revved, but the engine still wouldn't turn over. Laura bit at her bottom lip turning the key again in determination. She got the same result. David was now standing next to her holding on to the open car door.

"I told you you needed to let this old thing go," he said. His quiet words ringing in her ears as she continued to stare forward. 

"Not helping," Laura mumbled, as she made another attempt. The truck still wouldn't start.

David glanced at his watch. "We're going to miss the ferry unless we get going. I'm going to see Phil. Grab your bag and you two meet me at the end of the driveway. Alright?."

Laura finally looked over at her father. The concern was written clearly across his face, and she softened in understanding. She nodded with a small smile, and he took off down the gravel path. Laura let her head fall back against the headrest. She looked through the back window to see Carmilla standing beside the house. Dark sunglasses hid her eyes but a blank, emotionless expression gave away the fact that she was very bored by what she had just witnessed. She picked up her bag and headed down the driveway. The crunch of Carmilla's boots against the gravel elevated Laura's stress levels. She rolled up the old truck windows and grabbed her keys locking up the vehicle. Then she scooped up her own bag from the bed and followed Carmilla.

 

///

 

David had called Lilita before they left the island to ask her to come pick them up. They fortunately didn't have to wait long at the Port for their ride. Laura was thankful, as Carmilla had officially done everything in her power to avoid her. Laura circled the ferry nearly 3 times trying to close the distance between them. She still had no clue what she'd say, but she felt like talking was inevitable. There was so much confusion and turmoil swirling around in her chest. The least Carmilla could do was give her some reprieve by saying that she was lost in the same murky waters.

What Laura didn't expect was that Ell would be arriving with Lilita. Her beautiful smile and flowing blond hair emerged from the vehicle, and she walked briskly over to embrace Carmilla. Laura felt the air leave her lungs. Her stomach dropped, and she swallowed thickly. She averted everyone's eyes and climbed into the backseat of the car.

Laura's mind was racing. She was focusing on taking slow steady breaths as she felt a warm body slide up next to her. She knew right away that it was Carmilla. She closed her eyes. If she could pretend that it was just them in that moment, maybe she could calm herself.

"Seat belts," her dad called out, startling her. 

Laura and Carmilla glanced at each other as they both moved to buckle up. Carmilla somehow looked even paler than normal, and her eyes held all the panic that Laura felt. Laura watched Ell's hand slide into Carmilla's. Their joined hands rested on Carmilla's lap. The glare from her engagement ring reflected in Laura's eyes.

"I wanted you to know," Ell said, with a jovial tone to her voice. She paused for a moment looking at something on her phone. She had a smile across her lips. "I may have let it slip to a few co-workers that we got engaged." Carmilla forced a smile and squeezed Ell's hand tighter. "So there may be a little party when we get back," she continued.

Carmilla nodded in understanding and turned her head from Ell to stare out the front of the vehicle.

Laura bit at the inside of her mouth so hard she almost drew blood. Could it be that she never woke up this morning? Maybe a meteor crashed into their house and took them all out, and now she was in some super deep dimension of hell. It would be fitting. She deserved to be there. Laura glanced up at her father and knew he wouldn't be there, though.

She let her head fall against the glass, as she shut her eyes tightly.

 

///

 

Carmilla softly closed the bedroom door behind her as she left the room her and Ell had taken up residence in at her mother's house. Ell's attention was wrapped up in a heated business call, and Carmilla was thankful for a moment to escape. She had been surrounded by people from the second she opened her eyes this morning. From waking up in Laura's arms to being wedged between her and some other soul in two different vehicles, Carmilla felt trapped. She wished she could just slip out of the house and break into a sprint. She wanted that feeling of her legs burning beneath her, as her lungs gasped painfully for air. She wanted nothing in her head but the sound of her blood pumping furiously echoing in her ears. Carmilla couldn't recall the last time she had gone for more than a light jog.

She padded down the stairs and out towards the back of the house. She could see her escape route. The strong afternoon light was shining through the glass panes on the doors that led out to the garden.

"Carmilla." She heard her mother's voice ring out.

Carmilla froze in her tracks and closed her eyes. Lilita was sitting in her home office going over some paperwork when she had spotted her daughter's figure dart quickly past her doorway. The hallway was quiet, but the woman could still hear the shallow breaths Carmilla was making outside the room. Lilita stayed seated but called out again. 

"Would you please join me in here for a moment?" She removed her reading glasses from her face and set them down on the large mahogany desk in front of her.

Carmilla moved slowly into the room. She avoided her mother's gaze as she awkwardly stepped closer. She knew her mother wanted her to sit, but she couldn't give her that satisfaction. As their eyes finally met, Carmilla leaned against the arm of one of the large chairs that sat in front of the desk.

"Did you have a nice time with David and Laura?" Lilita asked, leaning forward resting on her elbows with her hands clasped in front of her. Carmilla looked down at her feet and nodded very lightly. Lilita continued to stare at her daughter. She pursed her lips.

"You understand I had other responsibilities that needed my attention," the older woman said matter-of-factly. Carmilla didn't miss the lack of apology in her statement.

"Not the first time." Carmilla felt the words slip from her mouth. She didn't intend to verbalize that thought. Though it was said quite weakly, she knew her mother heard.

"Excuse me?" Lilita questioned.

Carmilla scanned her mother's face. Lilita's left eyebrow was raised high as she tilted her head. 

"Nothing," Carmilla said dismissively.

"It clearly is something."

Carmilla let out a long breath in response. She was deeply irritated that she felt like she was being reprimanded even though her mother was the one in the wrong. She crossed her arms in front of her in defiance. _So much for being the well-mannered adult_ , she thought. Her jaw clinched as she narrowed her eyes at Lilita.

"You have a long and illustrious history of bailing," Carmilla stated flatly.

"I see," Lilita responded. She shifted some papers on her desk and chuckled lightly in frustration. "We're still blaming me for everything. You never could quite grasp the concept of obligation."

"Oh. I understand it." Carmilla smirked and straightened her back. "You made it loud and clear where I ranked in your list of _obligations_."

Lilita eyed her daughter closely. Between Carmilla's tone and posture, she could see so much of her ex-husband staring back at her.

"You're off the hook," Carmilla continued. "I dropped the idea of expectation long ago."

They stayed locked in their stare down until Carmilla rolled her eyes in exasperation. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be anywhere, truthfully. But here, least of all. She turned abruptly and started to make her way out.

"Well, I see you learned one thing from your father," Lilita stated. Carmilla stopped but didn't turn around. "Walking away always was his speciality."

The desire for Carmilla to lift her hand and extend her middle finger was insanely overwhelming. She fought it, clinching her teeth together and straightening her shoulders. She peeled her feet off the ground and carefully stepped one foot in front of the other. Her mind went blank as she mentally shifted into autopilot. When her vision finally cleared, she looked up to see where her feet had taken her.

 

///

 

Laura had seen Carmilla cross the back yard from her bedroom window above. She dampened her curiosity for a total of about 4 seconds before she found herself tying on her shoes and heading in the same direction. Now, she was standing in front of a large tree that sat in the very far corner of the lot. Laura wasn't entirely sure she was still even on Lilita's property. She stared up an old tree house. The wooden boards had warped and darkened with age. There were design elements that told her it was built with care, but it was more or less just a glamorized box in a tree. She focused her eyes on the small dark window on the front. As much as she wished she could see what was inside from here, she knew going up was the only way.

Laura climbed the wooden slats that had been nailed securely to the tree some time ago. She timidly peeked her head inside through the access hole in the floor. Carmilla was sitting with her legs stretched out and her eyes closed leaned back against the wall. Laura shifted feeling suddenly inappropriately intrusive. She looked down and took a nervous breath. She had always been perfectly fine with being short, as heights did nothing for her.

"Get in here before you hurt yourself, Cupcake."

Carmilla's voice echoed off the thin walls. She hadn't moved a muscle, though. She still sat motionless in her lounged position.

Laura climbed the final slats and pulled herself up into the tree house. She rubbed her hands on the front of her jeans and stood hunched over awkwardly attempting not to bump her head on the ceiling. She slowly moved completely upright realizing the clearance was there, and smiled proudly at herself for fitting. Carmilla still hadn't moved.

Laura sat down next to the other woman and leaned back against the wall. The silence was killing her.

"Nice place," she offered. Laura ran her hand up through her hair sweeping it to the side.

"It was one of the first things I designed," Carmilla said, softly. Her eyes were still closed. "When I was 9, I so desperately wanted a place of my own. I had grand plans for my tree fortress." Her eyes opened and studied the small space as she continued. "Mother, of course, vetoed it immediately. But my dad found this tree back here. You couldn't really see it from the house. We built the place together one summer. It looked nothing like my drawing."

Laura watched Carmilla's head dip and a small smile form on her lips. She nervously played with her fingers as she revealed the memory.

"So… is it safe to be up here?" Laura asked, her voice anxious and high pitched.

Carmilla reached over and picked up a somewhat disheveled looking doll that she had found on the floor. "I don't think they made 'OMG Dollz' back in my day," she said to Laura. "So clearly someone else has moved in. And, I'm assuming they haven't plummeted to their death yet. So I think your tiny, childlike frame will be just fine."

Laura playfully nudged Carmilla's shoulder with her own in a faux annoyance. She smiled softly as she looked down at her hands.

"I'm glad I found you out here alone," Laura started to say. The words sounded fragile in her ears.

"No," Carmilla interrupted.

"No?"

"No," she confirmed. "We're not having this conversation. I'm so far beyond my limits I don't even know what to do." Carmilla turned towards Laura. The look on the other woman's face shifted her mood. Carmilla suddenly felt as though she was letting down a hopeful child. "Look. I like you. A lot. But this. I can't." Carmilla choked on her staccato words as her hands motioning between them began to shake.

"I just wanted to talk," Laura offered.

"Talk about what? Talk about how I'm a horrible person. That I made a massive mistake. That I've possibly destroyed everything."

Laura stared into Carmilla's eyes. So many responses sat at the tip of her tongue, but all she wanted to do was kiss the infuriating woman. The idea felt like such a safe thing to do up here. 

"It doesn't have to be a mistake," she whispered. 

"I love Ell," Carmilla stated. 

Laura flinched at the words, feeling as though she had been slapped. This was the truth of it. She had no business pushing. She wanted so badly to believe in love at first sight. Her feelings were undeniably strong from the moment she laid eyes on the other woman. Even if, at the time, she didn't entirely understand them. Or maybe it was more important to believe that she would have only done something so desperately wrong in the name of love. Maybe she needed this to be more than it was to keep herself from wanting to jump out of that small window.

Laura felt the tears fall from her eyes and she brought her arm up to wipe them on her sleeve. But Carmilla's fingers were already there, gently ghosting across her cheeks collecting the tears. Laura's hand slid along Carmilla's jaw, as Carmilla's fell to rest on Laura's thigh.

"I'd be giving up everything," Carmilla said faintly.

The tips of Carmilla's fingers dug into the fabric of Laura's jeans. She felt the underlying thigh muscle flex in response. Laura leaned towards her, their mouths now hovering. Carmilla felt the warm puffs of air across her lips. Her head was pounding in anticipation of something she had no right to anticipate.

"I just can't."

Carmilla got up and made her way to the exit. She climbed down from the tree house, her whole body shaking. Each step down, she felt as though she may slip and fall to the ground. Why was this so hard? Laura wasn't hers. Ell was. _Right?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda felt like Chapter 6 & 7 go hand-in-hand, so I didn't want to wait too long to post this one. Thanks for all the love everyone! Hope y'all enjoy :)

The bright afternoon sun had now settled in the west just below the horizon. The sky held a soft orange glow that blended into the deep blue of the night sky. Laura shifted from foot to foot inside the house, looking out at the dinner table that was set up on the back red brick patio. Everyone was seated at the table and candles lit the space. The sounds of their conversation and clinking of silverware mixing into the air. She approached slowly, stopping to stand awkwardly a few feet back.

"There you are, sweetie," her father greeted her from his seat. "We were wondering where you had disappeared to." Laura stood there frozen. She was scared that if she spoke the emotion in her voice would give her away. David looked down and saw the bag gripped tightly in her hand.

"Are you not joining us for dinner?" he asked. His brow scrunched together in obvious confusion.

"No. I… uh." Laura paused and swallowed to clear her throat. "I'm not feeling well, so I'm just going to head home."

"Oh, no! You're not sick, are you?" David questioned, immediately.

Laura shook her head in response. "It was maybe just something I ate."

The sudden sound of choking turned everyone's head. Carmilla's hand covered her mouth to catch the small amount of wine that had sprayed out at Laura's words.

"You ok, baby?" Ell rubbed Carmilla's back softly. Carmilla pulled up her napkin and wiped her mouth. She coughed lightly a couple more times, as her eyes watered.

"Yes," Carmilla finally said. "Just went down the wrong pipe."

Carmilla looked up to find Laura staring at her. Their eyes locked, and she could see the deep rise and fall of her chest.

"Do you need a ride?" Ell asked, pulling her attention away.

"I'm just going to grab an Uber," Laura said, motioning back towards the house.

"Nonsense. I'll give you a ride. Your'e like 10 minutes away," Ell stated. She patted Carmilla on the shoulder.

"I really don't want to interrupt your dinner," Laura pleaded.

"Not a problem," Ell said, as she got up and rounded the table to join Laura. "Lilita?" Ell asked.

"The keys are on the table by the door," Lilita responded, with a pleasant smile.

Laura quickly walked over to her father. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well," he said, as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"Yes, we do hope that you feel better," Lilita offered. Laura looked at her with a close-mouthed smile.

"See you later, L," JP said through a mouthful of food. "I mean, other 'L'. Other than that Ell."

She ruffled his hair as she walked by him to leave. She glanced over at Carmilla. Her gaze was cast downward as she poked at the food on her plate with her fork. Laura hesitated for a moment hoping the other woman would look up at her. But when there was no motion to, she joined Ell and they exited the house.

 

///

 

Laura was happy that Ell was such a natural conversationalist. She had no idea what to say to the woman besides, _nice choice in fiancé_. Most of the ride, Laura just stared out the passenger side window as Ell spoke on a variety of topics. She smiled politely and nodded when necessary, but she wasn't retaining any of the conversation. The only words Laura spoke to Ell were to give directions to her apartment.

She now stood inside the main corridor of the building staring at the elevator button. The small chrome circle filled her vision as the blood pumping through her head filled her ears. She could press it, but then this would all be real. 

Just then, a red ring of light lit up around it and a 'ding' sounded indicating that someone was arriving to the first floor.

Laura walked briskly over to the stairs and started her ascent. Her footsteps were heavy as she made her way up. Around the 3rd flight of stairs she stopped, gripping the railing hard. She was taking impossibly deep breaths and finally noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks. She sat down with a thump and buried her face in her hands. She had to get this out of her system before she got to the door. She couldn't leave for a week and return a mess with nothing but guilt and pain in her eyes.

Laura had already spent a healthy amount of time in the tree house after Carmilla left crying her eyes out. But that was different. Before, she was mourning the loss of something precious. Now, she was mourning a decision she had made. It was a gamble that had not gone in her favor. But in the moment, it felt like so much more than the careless flip of a coin. She couldn't erase the feeling of Carmilla's hand on her thigh or her lips at her mouth just before she disappeared. It was like her heart had literally been ripped from her chest; like someone had cut a hole in her.

She wiped at her eyes and took a few solid breaths. It was time. She picked up her bag and continued up to the 6th floor.

As soon as she entered the apartment, Danny appeared before her. Her long red hair was pulled back in a pony tail and a beautiful smile was across her face. Danny's bright blue eyes lit up as she took Laura in. She closed the few feet between them and leaned down to give her a kiss. 

"Welcome back," she said, turning around. She looked back over her shoulder and lifted her hand drawing attention to the large spoon that rested in it. "I'm making us dinner."

Laura followed her down the small hallway that led to the living room. She dropped her bag and joined her girlfriend in the kitchen.

"So, how'd it go?" Danny asked, stirring a pot on the stove.

Laura shrugged and opened the fridge. She grabbed a beer and looked up at Danny. She nodded towards her asking non-verbally if she wanted one. Danny shook her head. Laura closed the door and opened a drawer searching for the bottle opener. Danny grabbed it for her and quickly popped the cap off her drink. Laura took a long swig as she leaned back against the counter.

"It went that well, huh," Danny stated rhetorically, throwing the bottle opener back in the drawer.

Laura gave her a sad smile, and Danny opened her arms. The smaller woman settled into Danny's embrace, and she rested her head against her chest as she closed her eyes. 

"I'm happy to be back home," Laura mumbled.

"Me too," Danny responded.

They stood there for a moment just holding onto each other. Danny could tell Laura was obviously upset about something, but she knew better than to try to push her into talking before she was ready. Laura was usually such an open book, but she had a feeling this week would be hard on her. No matter how much Laura insisted that she was comfortable with her father getting remarried, actually having to witness the plans being set in motion had to be a whole other experience.

"How about this?" Danny asked, dropping down to place a kiss on top of Laura's head. "How about we have dinner and then maybe a bath?"

"With bubbles?" Laura's muffled voice asked. Her face was still buried in Danny's shirt.

"Is there any other way?"

Laura hugged Danny tighter in response.

 

///

 

"Ell, would you mind helping me clear the table?" 

David stood up and motioned for Ell to join him. She smiled politely collecting a couple of their plates and stacking them together. She gave Carmilla a quick kiss on the cheek and then followed Mr. Hollis to the kitchen. 

Carmilla glanced over at her mother and then returned her focus to her glass. They were alone now. JP had taken off upstairs a while back to play video games. The two couples had remained at the table chatting. It was mostly David, Ell, and her mother talking. Carmilla just listened and sipped her wine. And, if she was being honest with herself, there was more drinking than listening.

Carmilla suddenly grew nervous. Her mother had the same look on her face as she did many years ago when she informed her of the divorce. 

"I wanted to apologize about before," Lilita stated. "I may have responded inappropriately."

Carmilla sat perfectly still. She wasn't sure what to do with what was happening, so she behaved as a though she was being stalked by a wild animal.

"It didn't necessarily occur to me that your feelings may have been hurt when I wasn't able to join you on the island," Lilita said. "I think we've both been working off the assumption for many years that my presence isn't necessary or welcome in your life."

The younger woman was overwhelmingly grateful for the alcohol in her system. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle this conversation any other way. She wanted to run again, but she was exhausted. Her mother continued.

"I know you're not a simple girl, so you've probably already assessed that David is the one that brought this to my attention."

At those words, Carmilla finally looked at her mother. Her eyes were met with equally dark ones. She searched for sincerity, but wasn't sure how to find it there.

"You being in or out of my life was never my choice," Carmilla finally said.

"I know it may not feel this way," Lilita responded. "But it's always been your choice."

Carmilla huffed with a smirk and shook her head. Her mother was a wall. A tall, unclimbable, impenetrable wall. Carmilla wasn't a child. She knew everything wasn't Lilita's fault, but she just wanted the slightest hint that she took some responsibility. She was tired of her mother acting like this omnipresent mystical creature that just floated about life making decisions based on the universal idea of right and wrong. People made sloppy, selfish, subjective decisions every day, and they had to live with them. Lilita wasn't immune to that. And she certainly wasn't above it.

"Don't you ever regret anything?" Carmilla asked. She fought the slur in her words. 

"Of course, I do," Lilita responded, sharply. "But some of us don't get the luxury of wallowing in our decisions."

Lilita reached over and took Carmilla's empty glass from in front of her. She filled it up with the water pitcher from the table and set it back down in front of her daughter. Carmilla watched her closely. 

"Once you've finished that, drink another full glass," Lilita stated, as she got up. "I'm off to bed."

Carmilla watched her mother walk towards the house. She stopped just as she was about to enter and turned back towards her.

"Goodnight, Carmilla."

 

///

 

Laura emerged from underneath the water, wiping the bubbles from her face. She wasn't sure why, but baths had always made her feel better. There was something particularly safe and warm about them, not to mention clean and fresh smelling. She stared at her pruned fingertips deciding that she probably had been in here long enough. She wasn't ready to leave yet, though. She leaned forward and turned on the faucet adding more hot water to heat up the temperature of the tub. As she was turning it off, she heard the bathroom door open. 

"Wooh," Danny said, fanning at herself. "I see we have a combo bubble bath and steam room happening in here."

She made her way over and put down the lid on the toilet. She then sat on top and looked over at the bathtub. Laura was settled low in the water, almost laying completely down. She had a mountain of bubbles built up around her face. Danny smiled in response.

"You feeling better?" Danny asked.

Laura sat up and began playing with the bubbles sticking between her hands. 

"Getting there," Laura replied. A silence fell between them. Laura knew Danny was waiting on an explanation of her behavior that she wasn't ready to give. "We went out on the boat."

"With the new fam?" Danny questioned.

"With just my dad and Lilita's daughter," Laura said. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her arms on them.

"So you finally met the mysterious sibling," Danny commented with a nod. "How's she?"

"A handful," Laura responded, immediately. 

"Socialites," Danny said, playfully rolling her eyes.

Laura leaned back and rested against the back of the tub. She couldn't make eye contact with Danny and talk about Carmilla. In fact, she just couldn't talk about Carmilla at all. She needed to change the subject.

"So work was ok without me this week?"

"It kind of sucked," Danny admitted. "And I think one of the kids started a rumor that we broke up. I don't know. Supposedly, there's a Tumblr about it."

"This is exactly why I had no intention of ever returning to high school," Laura said.

"Well, lucky you, its only part time," Danny responded, wiping at her face with both hands. "Oh. One of my Middle Distance runner's made State, though."

"That's great!" Laura smiled genuinely at her. She could see the pride on her girlfriend's face.

"Which reminds me, I've got some essays for English to grade." Danny stood up and placed her hands on her hips staring at the wall. "Sometimes I want to find whomever came up with the Thesaurus and murder them… slowly."

Laura laughed softly at her words. Danny winked at her and then made her way to the door.

"Good to have you back, Hollis," she said, as she shut it gently behind her.

Laura rested her chin on her hand for a moment and then slid down deeper into the water. She looked up blankly at the ceiling. It was a moment of reprieve between her and Danny. She was being so nice. She made it seem so easy to just slip back into the comfort of this. Her stomach twisted. No matter how warm she was, Laura knew she was standing outside now. She was peering through the window at a world that was no longer in existence. Laura leaned forward and turned on the hot water faucet, again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a lovely holiday and New Year! Thanks so much for reading and suffering through the angst with me :)

The light sounds of clothes shuffling and a zipper being pulled drew Ell awake. She shifted in bed and sat up sleepily rubbing at her eyes. The early morning light provided a dim glow across the room. The dark outline of Carmilla standing near the dresser came into focus.

"What are you doing?" Ell whispered, out into the distance between them.

Carmilla finished zipping her suitcase and then moved over to the nightstand to scoop up the book she had been reading earlier. She made eye contact with her fiancé briefly, as she took the few steps back over to her bag. She kept her back to Ell. "I'm packing," she explained, simply. She shoved the book into an outside pocket.

"I thought you were staying a couple more days."

"Not anymore," Carmilla said, slipping out the door.

Ell swallowed and shook her head. Lilita's apology must have not gone over as well as planned. She stared at the small, dark gap of the slightly ajar bedroom door. Carmilla was certainly a complex creature, and there were times when Ell had no clue what the right answer was. She tried to protect the fragile woman as best she could but, in these moments, she felt like a failure. There had always been a small part of Carmilla Ell had never been able to gain access to. It was a place she retreated when she felt threatened. Ell always tried to get ahead and clear the pathway so the woman never had to go there, but her methods weren't 100% yet. She just had to trust that Carmilla would return each time she retreated.

The subject of Ell's thoughts entered the room with her toiletries bag in hand. She returned to the dresser to pack the item in her bag.

"Are you coming or not?" Carmilla asked.

Ell stood up from the bed and walked over to Carmilla. She approached her back, wrapping her arms around her waist and placing her chin on the woman's shoulder.

"You really want to sneak out like this?" Ell questioned, holding her tight. Her soft, warm words floated against Carmilla's ear. Carmilla relaxed into the embrace. "Without even saying goodbye to JP?"

Carmilla let out a long breath. She had woken up just a few hours after she fell sleep last night, and spent the next 2 hours mulling over what was next. There was nothing left for her in this house. She could see JP later. There was no conversation with Lilita that would produce anything but heartache. Laura was gone. She just wanted to be home. She wanted to be back in the comfort of familiar surroundings. She needed everything to be what it was before this trip. She wanted to wash this week from her like it never happened. With enough space from it, maybe she could convince herself that was true.

"What's this?" Ell asked, gently pulling the collar of Carmilla's shirt to the side.

Carmilla looked into the dresser mirror to get a better view of what Ell was referring to. She finally saw it. A small, dark circular bruise was painted on her shoulder near her collarbone. She flinched at the intrusion of the mark. The feeling of Laura's mouth on her skin danced across her thoughts. Her stomach dropped.

"It's nothing," Carmilla dismissed immediately, as she rubbed at her shoulder. "I must have just ran into something on the boat."

Carmilla turned in Ell's arms and faced her.

"You know, all those ropes and dingies and jigs flying around."

Ell smirked at her for a moment and then asked playfully, "so you won't be sailing the seven seas anytime soon?"

Carmilla shook her head. She stared into Ell's eyes and gripped tighter at her shoulders. The overwhelming feeling of remorse sat heavy in her chest. It was a deep sadness she knew she had no way of ever explaining. Ell would ask, and she would deflect. The reality that everything was different wasn't up for consideration. Carmilla just wanted this pain to disappear. The promise of solace that came with going back on her medication flitted across Carmilla's mind. But even that felt empty and unpropitious. She just wanted to be home.

"Please," she whispered.

"Ok," Ell relented, and she began to gather her things.

 

///

 

Carmilla stared blankly at the document in front of her. She shifted in her seat and attempted once again to focus. Her efforts felt futile today. Since she had walked in her office this morning, she hadn't been able to hold onto a single thought for more than a second. She was happy to be back home and back in her regular routine, but things had yet to truly normalize. She looked down at the Creative Brief in her hands. She had to find a way to focus.

Their client wasn't pleased with the designs her team had delivered last week. As she read over the project summary and reviewed the work, she was in agreement. She had pushed through things fairly quickly in an attempt to get them out the door before she left her for her trip. The designs weren't hitting the mark. That much was obvious. Now, she just needed to find a way to verbalize this to her design team. Her skill was in visual arts, though. Finding ways to articulate in words what needed to happen in pictures was always a challenge.

Carmilla opened up Illustrator and leaned back in her chair. She picked up her tablet and stylus and waited for a blank document to appear on the screen. Occasionally, sketching concepts was the only way she could begin to piece together what to say. She relaxed and let her mind work independently from her conscious. She watched the thin, black lines take shape on the monitor in front of her. She took in a deep breath and continued. The afternoon sun settled on the glass of her office windows and the general temperature of the room started to rise. It was warm, but not uncomfortably so. It was just enough to lull her into a waking sleep. She felt the rise and fall of the ocean waves as their boat bobbed along the swells. She heard the sound of the wind tugging at the canvas sails.

Her office door opened, pulling Carmilla's thoughts back into the present.

"That's cute," Ell said, nodding towards the screen as she took a seat in the chair in front of Carmilla's desk.

Carmilla sat more upright and put down her tablet. She looked at the screen, observing how the lines had made their way into a sensical form. A fairly detailed sketch of a sea turtle stared back her. The bumpy edges of the his shell and leather texture of his skin. He was floating through the white expanse with such confidence.

"What's up?" Carmilla asked. She opened her calendar. "Did I miss a meeting?"

"Nope," Ell responded. "Well, sort of. We have a surprise party waiting for us in the conference room."

"Ah," Carmilla said, clicking through her appointments. She noticed one that was added recently for this time labeled: _Super Important Client Meeting_. "I see Kirsch was in charge of setting everything up."

Ell laughed lightly in response. Carmilla stood up from her chair and her fiancé followed suit. They made their way out into the small office space. Ell placed her hand around Carmilla's waist, pulling them hip to hip.

"Now, remember. We're _so_ surprised," Ell whispered.

Carmilla opened her mouth widely in mock joy. "We had no clue," she replied back softly to Ell.

"And the Oscar goes to…"

Ell opened the door to the conference room, and their little crew of 4 employees shouted "surprise!" in unison. Carmilla and Ell looked at each other and smiled. A handmade banner with the words "Congratulations on your engagement" hung on the far wall, and a small square cake with white frosting and a drawing of a diamond ring sat on the center of the table. Sarah Jane was the first to approach them. She pulled them into a double hug offering her congratulations.

Everyone had taken their turn giving their best wishes to the newly engaged couple, and they were now all seated around the table enjoying a slice of cake and glass of champagne.

"So, have you picked a date?" Natalie asked.

"Not yet," Ell responded. She looked over at Carmilla, but her attention seemed to be on the bubbles in her glass. "But we're close to getting things nailed down."

"Well, you better move fast," SJ added. "It's so hard to secure a good location in the city. This friend of mine had to book almost 2 years in advance to get the church she wanted."

"You'd never guess that it would be so competitive," Natalie continued.

"That's what I've heard," Ell said. "It's like booking weddings has become the new blood sport. Not to mention, trying to plan anything past that."

"Seriously," Kirsch stated, drawing the attention of his 5 female coworkers. He suddenly felt nervous. "You know what they say. First comes love, then comes marriage… then comes a baby in a baby carriage?" Kirsch raised his hands, palms facing up in question.

They all stared at him for a moment.

"That too," Ell finally said, breaking the silence. "We probably should start on converting the home office into a nursery, and maybe by the time we're married we'll have a kid on the way."

SJ placed her hand on Carmilla's shoulder. "You two would be amazing moms," she offered.

"That's the plan," Ell stated with a smile.

"Not to be a buzz kill, but is anyone monitoring the phones?" Betty asked.

"Bro!" Kirsch responded. "I've been wearing my headset this whole time. We're covered."

Betty had actually been Carmilla's freshmen year roommate in university. They had kept in touch throughout the years. Ell had brought her on as an Account Manager not long ago. She was always a stickler for keeping everyone on track; especially their free spirited front desk guy. Ell looked between Kirsch and Betty, and smiled.

"Speaking of that," Ell offered. "It's almost 4. So everyone is free to wrap up their work and head home for the day, if you so desire."

Carmilla was the first to get up from the table. She offered her gratitude to everyone for putting together the party, and quietly made her way out the door. The rest of the group stayed back to pack up the leftovers and take down the banner. Carmilla made her way quickly to her office and packed up her things. She had felt the walls closing in on her the minute the marriage plans came into discussion. The idea of all of it made her chest tight. She wanted to be engaged. She was genuinely delighted when Ell had asked her. But, right now, she just wanted a moment to indulge in this stage of their life. She didn't understand why the discussion had to immediately jump to marriage plans. Why wasn't it enough for everyone for them to simply be fiancés?

Carmilla exited the elevator and pushed through the large glass office building doors to the outside. She crossed her arms and closed her eyes. _Breathe in for 4 seconds and out for 6_. She repeated this until she heard the familiar voice in her ear.

"Carmilla," Ell called out. "Are you ok?"

Carmilla opened her eyes and looked over at Ell. She had clearly left in a hurry. Her coat was barely on her shoulders and her computer bag wasn't zipped. Ell kept her gaze locked on Carmilla as she adjusted those items in preparation to walk home. They started in that direction, walking silently next to each other. Ell gave it a couple blocks before she became impatient and broke the silence.

"What's wrong?"

"How many times do we have to have this discussion?" Carmilla asked, still staring forward as they walked.

"What discussion?"

"About the fact that you keep telling everyone about us having children," she continued. "You know it's not going to happen right away. You know I need time."

"So that means I can't discuss it at all?" Ell asked. "I'm not allowed to make any preparations."

"You can't just plan every little detail of our lives!" Carmilla yelled. She stopped and turned towards Ell.

"Someone's got to take the lead," Ell responded sternly. "And let's face it, Carmilla. That's not you. It's never been you. If it was up to you, we'd still be floating through life living in separate apartments. You need someone to take charge."

"What?" Carmilla asked, in almost a whisper.

"Can we please just go home?" Ell begged. She slumped her shoulders in defeat. "I'm so tired. I just want to get dinner and fall into bed."

Carmilla pursed her lips in response. She eyed Ell for a moment. She still couldn't fully process what Ell had just said to her. It wasn't the right time, though. She gave a slight nod and they continued walking.

 

///

 

"My daughter, Carmilla, and Ell just told me they are engaged, as well."

Lilita's voice echoed through the headphones. Laura paused the video on her laptop and placed the cursor back at the starting point of the editing timeline. Carmilla's face filled the video window, as the image of the broody woman whispering to her mother repeated. Laura bit at her lip, watching it closely. She must have replayed this sequence 50 times.

She heard the motion behind her, and Laura turned her head to the side to investigate. She saw Danny approaching slowly. She walked up to where Laura was seated and placed her hands on her girlfriend's shoulders. She looked down at Laura's computer screen.

"Still piecing together their video?" Danny asked. She let out a soft yawn.

"Yep," Laura answered. She placed one hand on top of Danny's.

"You should come to bed," Danny stated, moving her head down. She swept Laura's hair to the side and placed soft kisses down the column of Laura's throat.

"Just a few more minutes," Laura responded.

"Hmm," Danny hummed against her neck. "That's what you said 30 minutes ago, Hollis."

Danny stood back upright and squeezed lightly at Laura's shoulders.

"Ok, ok," Laura gave in. She closed her editing software and got up from the desk.

They walked to their bed together, with Danny just ahead of her. Danny sat down on the mattress and watched Laura intently as she turned off the lamp. As soon as she was settled under the covers, the tall redhead scooted closer draping her arm across Laura's stomach. She leaned down into her slowly kissing her cheek and then her mouth. Laura did her best to be responsive, but her mind wasn't there. It was still clearly elsewhere, with much different company. Danny moved her hands just under Laura's shirt caressing her stomach. Laura tensed at the motion.

"Hey," Laura whispered into the dark. "Can we just cuddle?"

Danny stilled her advances and raised her head back up from her girlfriend. She stared at her for a moment wondering what she had done wrong. Laura reached up and cupped Danny's face and offered her a sad smile. Perhaps, she just wasn't in the mood.

"Sure," Danny finally responded. "Whatever you want."

Laura turned on her side and felt Danny settle in closely behind her. She stared at the wall, fighting the tears. She couldn't keep doing this to them. The thoughts of Carmilla weren't going away. Regardless of what had happened, Laura knew her heart wasn't here anymore.

 

///

 

Carmilla emerged from the bathroom with a cloud of steam surrounding her. She wrapped her hair up in a towel and tied the belt of her robe tight across her waist. Ell was sitting on their bed looking at her laptop. She joined her, sitting down gingerly on the other side.

"How you feeling?" Ell asked, still looking at the screen.

"Fine," Carmilla answered.

"I was thinking about what I said to you yesterday," Ell stated.

She finally turned to look Carmilla in the eyes. Carmilla unwrapped the towel from her head and rubbed at her hair. She extended a hand out on the bed and leaned against it with an eyebrow raised high.

"I shouldn't have said that," Ell apologized. "You're right. We should be making decisions together."

Carmilla nodded with a close-mouthed smile. This is how Ell had always been. Whenever she seemed to do something inherently wrong or inconsiderate, she always came back with an apology. She was always able to find logic in time, even if she was unable to in the moment. It was a point of frustration for Carmilla. On one hand, she was made to suffer through all of Ell's inevitable bad decisions. But on the other hand, the fact that Ell knew to apologize had to be worth something. No one is perfect, after all. _Least of all me_ , Carmilla thought.

"Your brother is such a weirdo," Ell said, laughing lightly. She pointed at the laptop screen. "He uploaded all the photos from your mother's party to Facebook."

"I thought his generation didn't use Facebook," Carmilla responded. She leaned over to get a better view.

Ell's phone began to ring.

"He's an anomaly, I guess," she commented. "Or a serial killer."

Ell answered her phone as she got up from bed. "Hey there," she said to whomever had called. Carmilla looked up at her. Ell motioned that she was going to take the call in the next room. As she wandered away, Carmilla took a closer look at the photo album on the screen. She scrolled a bit through the various pictures. Carmilla noticed a familiar set of eyes looking at her from the side column of her brother's Facebook page. Laura Hollis' tiny square profile photo stared at her, and she felt her heart jump.

Carmilla looked back over her shoulder at her fiancé in the adjoining room. She was very occupied by the conversation on her phone. Carmilla quickly clicked on the link to Laura's profile page. She pulled up her photos and scanned through them. She caught sight of one of Laura smiling brightly at the camera. She had her arm draped across the shoulders of a redheaded woman. Carmilla kept clicking through the album until she found one of them kissing.

She immediately closed the photo album layer and returned to Laura's main page. She saw the small, gray heart icon with the words "In a relationship" next to it.

Her heart was racing. Carmilla backed out and returned to her brother's page.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience. I appreciate y'all sticking with me :)

Laura leaned forward bracing her forearms against the steel railing on the bow of the ferry. She held a cup of hot chocolate tightly with both hands as she stared out across the gentle bay. The sun had just broken the horizon in the distance. It's glow was casted across the approaching island. Laura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The sea air filled her lungs and she let it out slowly. It was all so open and endless. She wondered briefly if this is what her mom had felt. If this feeling was why she was so compelled to pursue it.

She opened her eyes and they adjusted slowly until the dock in the distance came into focus. Her father's strong frame was leaned up against her truck near the dock. She smiled and waved in his direction.

 

///

 

David watched his daughter curiously as she cranked the winch on their boat with an extra level of enthusiasm. He hadn't seen much of her lately and was hoping to reconnect with an early morning sailing trip. Plus, he had managed to fix her truck and knew she would be anxious to retrieve it. The old thing had become so unreliable, he really wished she'd upgrade to a new vehicle. Laura had a habit of that, though. She gripped on a little too tightly to things she really should let go. Right now, he was concerned her grip was going to rip the winch from the boards.

Laura finished the final rotation and tied off the rope. She placed her hands on her hips and looked up at the sail. She huffed at the strands of hair that had fallen into her face.

"You ok there, sweetie?" her father asked.

She nodded in response and checked a few more ties before slowly making her way back towards the helm.

David's gaze followed her movement, taking note that she was avoiding eye contact with him. "Everything going ok with work?"

Laura bent down and picked up her water bottle. She took a long drink from it and then looked over at her father. She nodded again.

"I was hoping you'd join us for dinner this evening," he commented, adjusting the wheel as he looked out over the water.

Laura turned away from him, now surveying the same patch of sea he was watching.

"I don't know if I can do that," Laura replied.

"You busy?"

"No. I just…"

"Seriously, pumpkin. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Laura," her father warned.

She turned back to look into his eyes and knew immediately it would be impossible to keep this from him. She found that she didn't want to, anyway. She needed his strong words and his solid advice. Laura needed him to tell her she was wrong and to stop going down this destructive path. The voice of reason in her head had disappeared the minute Carmilla had walked into her life. She wanted that voice back so desperately.

"Something happened," Laura mumbled. She felt herself start to tremble.

"Who do I need to kill?" her father asked, quickly. His hands moved to his hips, gripping at his nonexistent patrol belt. She smiled at him sheepishly.

"You should probably start with me." Laura leaned against the side of the boat, running her hands up through her hair. She brought her left hand up to her mouth and bit nervously at the tip of her pinky nail. They kept their eyes locked on each other. She felt the seconds painfully tick by as he stared, waiting patiently for an explanation.

"Something happened between me and Carmilla," Laura admitted.

David watched his daughter shift under his gaze. He had interrogated a fair number of people during his days as a detective, and was very familiar with that mix of fear and shame that danced across the features of a guilty party. He didn't need his daughter to define that this "something" was intimate in nature. Laura's expression wasn't that of a child that had accidentally broken the lamp; it was more a teenager that had gotten the lamp pregnant. He rubbed at his forehead.

"When?" he asked.

"On the island."

David nodded slightly in understanding. He had picked up on the tension between the two women, but had assumed it was attributed to their mutual discomfort with the situation they had found themselves in. He crossed his arms and let out a sigh.

"I know. I know," Laura pleaded. She stood upright and slid her sunglasses to the top of her head. She wanted to look him in the eyes. "I swear, I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Does Danny know?" he asked.

"No. But I think she suspects something is different." Laura shoved her hands in her pockets and looked down at her feet.

"I shouldn't have to tell you that you need to be honest with her."

"Yes sir," Laura answered quietly.

David reached up with his right hand and rubbed at his neck. He took in a deep breath. He knew that his daughter needed him right now, but it didn't do anything to quell the awkwardness of the conversation.

"And Carmilla?" he finally inquired.

Laura bit her lip nervously at the question. She wasn't sure how to answer it, so she just went with what she knew to be true. "We were both hoping we could just forget it, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about her."

David nodded in understanding. "I know we don't always have control over these things," he stated, then pursed his lips. "But, seriously, Lilita's daughter? Of all the women out there?"

Laura shrugged. She had no explanation for Carmilla. She felt that she never would. Her brain had certainly opted out of this desire. It was all heart. And, it was a rare and terrifying logic for her. Her decisions were usually so rooted in reasoning. Her relationship with Danny was the perfect example of that. She had always just assumed that some led a life of passion and some led a life of logic. She had always fallen on the safe, logical side. She certainly had made mistakes in the past. She had been a little too curious and stepped off the beaten path before. But she had never strayed too far from the norm. She knew how life was supposed to go. Her obsession with fairytales had ended in her youth. Now, she was just in search of hard facts; the ever-present truth that we were all bound to.

And yet, she felt tethered to this hope with Carmilla. Everything about the woman fell outside the logic sector of her brain. It was like those long lost fairytales had been unearthed, and she was staring at the situation with child-like wonder. The thought made her brain hurt, but her heart swell.

Laura glanced over at her father. He was standing at the helm watching the sea in front of them, his hands loosely resting on the wheel.

"It's just…" Laura started and then stopped. David's eyes shifted to her, watching the small woman pace back and forth. Laura raised her hands in exasperation.

"I don't _get_ Carmilla's reaction to this. Obviously, she's attracted to me. And, it wasn't just some random encounter. She had multiple opportunities to back out. Yet, there she was - mutually participating. She keeps acting like she can pretend it never happened. Who does that? I mean, I know people do that. I even tried to do that. But it was never actually going to work because I'm a real person with real feelings. And, it's not like I have experience with this kind of thing. This had never crossed my mind before. But that's why it was so different. It was just like the storybooks, and _nothing_ ever happens like that. I saw the way she looked at me. This is totally one of those 'love at first sight' stories. And I'm not even saying I love her, because we were only together for a few days and that would be crazy. But if I did, wasn't she supposed to feel the same? The story goes… you fall in love with a stranger and then it turns out she's your soulmate. The story isn't just fall in love with a stranger, and then she's like, 'oops, my bad. I can't do this.'"

David fought the small smile that threatened his lips. He knew this wasn't the right moment, but he couldn't help but be pleased at Laura's rant. This was the daughter he had always known. Her recent quiet, distant behavior had started to concern him.

Laura finally looked up and met her father's eyes. There were no words of comfort for this moment. They were unnecessary, anyway. She saw his look of understanding. She knew on some level he was disappointed, but she also knew he couldn't help but feel compassionate towards her situation. She suddenly felt like a little girl, again.

Laura walked over and settled against her father's side, as he wrapped one arm around her. He had to sense that she was terrified of what was next.

"I know what I have to do," she whispered.

David hugged his daughter tighter.

 

///

 

Laura turned the key in the lock and slowly pushed open the front door to her apartment. She set her things on the hall table and moved tentatively towards the living room. She felt completely on autopilot as her feet unknowingly pushed her forward. As she moved into the space, she saw Danny sitting on the couch. She was thumbing through some papers with a red pen perched between her teeth. Her blue eyes looked up at the motion and she smiled, pulling the pen away from her mouth.

"Perfect timing!" Danny said, quite enthusiastic that Laura had finally returned home. "I just finished grading these quizzes. Now, we can go out and get something to eat."

"I... umm," Laura said quietly.

"Or maybe you're tired? Cause we could totally order in, too."

"Danny."

"Maybe watch a movie," she continued. "Some Netflix and chill? I'm not entirely sure what it means, but my students keep saying it and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with sex."

"Danny," Laura repeated more sternly. The other woman stilled. "I need to tell you something."

Danny patted the couch lightly next to her, motioning for Laura to take a seat. Laura hesitated and then made her way over. She sat down on the edge of the cushions, keeping her back upright and placed her hands on her knees. She was lost at where to start. The silence stretched between them.

"So did you have a nice time with your dad today?" Danny asked, hoping to break the tension that now filled the room.

Laura closed her eyes.

"I slept with Carmilla."

"What?" Danny asked, in a soft gasp. She couldn't have heard Laura correctly.

"Carmilla," Laura stated, with her eyes still closed. "Lilita's daughter."

"I know who she is," Danny countered. She subconsciously backed away from Laura, putting more space between them on the couch. "Are you serious?"

"I'm so sorry," Laura offered, now turning towards her girlfriend.

Danny felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. She lifted her hands in defense and attempted to calm her shaking.

"Wh-Why would you do that?"

Laura just simply looked down at her hands.

"Laura, I…" Danny started and then stopped to wipe at her eyes. "I don't know if this is something I can forgive."

"I'm not asking for forgiveness," Laura said, quickly.

"I see," Danny responded.

Laura went to touch Danny's arm but pulled back. "I didn't mean that the way it sounds."

Danny bit at her tongue and covered her mouth with her hand. A sad chuckle bubbled up from her. "You don't even regret it, then?"

"I regret hurting you," Laura pleaded. She knew there was no explanation that would make her out to be anything but the cheater she was. And she had no right to cry, but the tears spilled down her cheeks and blurred her vision without her consent.

"But you don't regret sleeping with an engaged woman?"

"I-"

"A woman that is going to break your heart, by the way," Danny continued, cutting Laura off. "She's not leaving her fiancé."

"This is not about her," Laura stated.

Danny let out another condescending laugh and wiped her eyes with her sleeves.

"How do you expect me to believe that?" Danny asked, shaking her head. "This is not something _you_ would do, Laura. This is not you at all. If she pushed you into something…"

"No, no," Laura responded, standing up from the couch. She frowned at the despondent look on her girlfriend's face. Of course, Danny's overprotective nature would want to pin this on Carmilla. If not, it meant she trusted a liar all these years. Laura's chest felt heavy and she struggled to breathe. She swallowed deeply before she continued. "This is just about you and me needing different things."

"No, it isn't," Danny argued. "I don't need anything different. I didn't ask for anything different." Danny watched Laura's face fall at her words. This was the truth. This wouldn't be a mutual parting of ways. Laura was leaving her without any real explanation. She had lied to her for who know's how long. She had let Danny comfort her through her obvious turmoil at what happened. When Laura walked back into their kitchen week's ago, she let Danny believe that the cause of her distress was anything but of her own making. Danny couldn't decide if she was more angry or more hurt in this moment.

"This is about you wanting something different," she almost spat out. Her thoughts spiraled attempting to rationalize what was happening in front of her. "Maybe you need to sabotage us because you're afraid of commitment. Or, maybe I'm the fool. Maybe you're more like your mother than your father or I realized."

Danny stood up and stepped away from the other woman. She crossed her arms looking down at her.

"Is this really the thing you want to chase, Laura? An unfaithful woman? You'd abandon everything for a chance at that obvious dead end?"

Laura stared up at Danny. Her stomach was completely in knots. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Her mind went blank, as her gaze drifted to the wall. She couldn't focus on anything. She knew Danny was hurt. She embraced the verbal lashing as the punishment she deserved. Danny had now gone quiet and was staring at the floor with her arms still crossed. There was sadness in the silence between them. The moment felt surreal and weighted. They could just pretend that Laura never said the words. In this quiet, she could believe that it all had just been a nightmare. But it was true. The words hung between them changing everything and nothing, all at once.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. Her voice monotone. "My heart just isn't in this anymore. That's not fair to you."

"None of this is fair," Danny commented, as she began to collect her things from around the room. She moved through the small apartment shoving items into her work bag. "I'm going to stay with my parents. I can't stay here."

Danny walked down the hallway towards the front door, and Laura followed behind her closely.

"I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me, Danny. I'm so sorry."

Danny abruptly turned around. Her chin was shaking with emotion.

"Laura. Just stop."

Danny pulled on her jacket and reached down to turn the knob. She glanced at Laura one last time and then abruptly left with a slam of the door.

 

///

 

Carmilla leaned back in her chair as she watched JP cheerfully cut into the medium-rare sirloin in front of him. Occasionally, his boyish disposition was annoying but surprisingly she usually found it refreshing. She wasn't sure how anyone in their family had turned out even the slightest bit optimistic. Their mother was always too eager to keep them grounded in her version of reality.

JP finally looked up to see a familiar smirk staring back at him.

"What?" he asked, setting his knife and fork down.

"You just look so elegant in this candlelight," Carmilla responded.

JP narrowed his eyes at his sister and reached out across the table. She noticed him very stealthily flipping her off right before he grabbed the wine glass sitting in front of her.

"I can't believe they thought I was underage," he said, and then took a healthy sip from the glass.

"You are underage," she responded.

"That's hardly the point," JP stated. He took another sip. "What is this a 2013?"

"I have no clue." Carmilla shrugged. "It's just whatever the house cabernet is." Carmilla picked up her fork and poked at the pasta dish sitting in front of her. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but I promise you have the rest of your life to become an alcoholic."

"Haha," her brother responded flatly. "Thanks for letting me crash tonight, by the way."

"Anytime," she stated. "You really should consider staying the weekend."

"I wish I could, but I've got to get back to campus for some end of the year Zeta something-or-other."

Carmilla hummed in response. "I'm still mildly disgusted that you joined a fraternity."

"It's a resumé builder," JP defended.

"Is it now, mama's boy?"

"Why are you so hard up for company this weekend anyway?" JP asked, turning his attention back to his steak.

"Ell's away visiting her parents."

"Ah," he responded mid-chew. "You know, who should hang out with is Laura."

Carmilla froze at the name. "Laura?" she asked in almost a whisper.

"Yeah. She'll be in the city tomorrow covering some political thing."

"I thought she was a teacher's assistant," Carmilla inquired. She took a quick sip of their shared cabernet.

"She is, but she also does some part time work for the local paper."

Carmilla nodded slowly feeling a bit lost at the prospect of seeing the woman. She eyed her brother across the table, curious if Laura had told him anything. He wasn't being weird, though. Laura was probably just as invested as she was in forgetting what happened between them.

"Dessert?" the waiter asked, startling her. She offered him a closed-mouthed smile and shook her head.

"Can I see the menu?" JP questioned. The waiter nodded and went to fetch it for him. Carmilla gave it a moment and then leaned forward.

"So… what's up with Laura's mom?"

JP met her eyes and tilted his head in concern. "Oh no. What did you say to her?"

"Nothing," Carmilla deflected. "I just mentioned her mom, and Laura got kind of weird."

"That's cause her mom's dead, Kitty."

"Fuck," Carmilla said under her breath.

The waiter returned with the menu placing it in JP's hands.

"It was one of the cancers, but I get the feeling there's more to the story," JP continued, as he scanned the list of sweets. "Just try not to bring it up when you see her again."

 _When she saw her again._ Carmilla hadn't planned for that scenario. Her breathing became shallow at the thought.

"What are pro--fit--er--roles?" JP asked, slowly attempting to phonetically sound out the word.

"Profiteroles? They're like cream puffs," Carmilla answered quickly.

"Like lady donuts?"

"Don't ever say that again," she responded, as she rolled her eyes.

JP looked up at the waiter with a wide smile. "We'll have the double chocolate lady donuts with salted caramel cream."

Their waiter winced slightly at her brother and then wrote down the order on his notepad.

"And another one of these when you have a minute," JP requested, pointing to Carmilla's wine glass.

Carmilla smirked at his antics. "Chocolate and red wine? You're going to make a fine housewife one day."

"I'm not the one with the rock on my finger."

She pursed her lips at his comment. Perhaps, chocolate and wine weren't such a bad idea right now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started to run a little long so I decided to divide it into two. Hope to have the next chapter/part out soon. Thanks for reading!

Carmilla weaved smoothly through the morning crowd, skillfully dodging distracted shoppers and overeager peddlers. She was never one for large gatherings, but found a certain comforting anonymity in floating from tent to tent at the Saturday morning street market. Ell was quite fond of these things and had dragged Carmilla to them for a number of years. The consistent promise of decent coffee and free cheese samples finally managed to win her over.

She approached a stand selling a colorful variety of fruits and moved closer. The sweet mix of plums, apricots, and pears hung in the early summer air. She smiled politely at the attendant as she scanned the options.

"What's going on over there?" She heard a patron next to her ask the salesperson.

Carmilla glanced in the direction that they were referring to. Across the street, she could see a small crowd gathered in the park in front of a stage and podium.

The seller seemed unimpressed and responded with a flippant wave of the hand. "Oh, the mayor is having a press conference or something."

A shiver ran through Carmilla at the confirmation of her suspicions. She knew what was going on. She had googled it last night, searching randomly for any political press activities happening in the area. She knew her Cupcake was sitting over there, most likely enthusiastically raising her hand in the air and asking way too many questions. Carmilla certainly hadn't gone out of her way to be in the area. It was just a coincidence that these two activities held such close proximity.

Her aviator sunglasses slipped down her nose as she squinted at the gathering across the street. She breathed out a huff and swallowed deeply in an attempt to calm her nerves. Carmilla felt the salesperson eyeing her expectantly. She slid her sunglasses back up into position and gave a cordial nod before her exit.

Carmilla found herself standing at a crosswalk with a group waiting for the light to change. The "walk" signal that permitted their turn lit up, and she let her feet carry her across the avenue. _She could just keep walking, she didn't have to stop_ , Carmilla told herself. It wouldn't hurt to just see if she's there. She doesn't have to talk to her. Laura's working, after all. It's not like she'll have time to…

"Yes, you." The Mayor's voice boomed over the loud speakers, interrupting her thoughts.

"Laura Hollis, New Haven Chronicle."

The words echoed in Carmilla's ears and everything else stilled. She took slow, steady steps along the outside of the rows of folding chairs that had been set up in front of the stage. Various press members sat clutching voice recorders, cameras, and old fashioned pens and pads. Her feet wouldn't let her stop until the front row came into view. There sat Laura, perched on the edge of her metal chair. A pencil was held tightly in her right hand, poised to write down every word.

"How do you respond to the allegations that the funds were misappropriated?" Laura asked, eagerly.

"Like I told your colleague," the Mayor started to respond.

"You gave my colleague a _non-answer_. You're quite good at that," Laura replied, interrupting the man.

The sound of soft, nervous chuckling rippled through the press members in the audience.

The Mayor bitterly smiled in frustration at her obstinacy. "Ms. Hollis, is it?" Laura nodded once. "There's zero evidence to support these claims, so I don't understand the value of addressing them."

"What about the excerpts they pulled from the Thompson report?"

"That information was obtained through unauthorized channels and is confidential and sensitive in nature. Any conclusions drawn from it would be pure conjecture."

"Right," Laura said, pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm asking for your response to that conjecture."

The Mayor stared at her for a moment in silence. He gripped the podium and then turned his head looking at what Carmilla assumed to be his Public Relations team. A woman smiled brightly at him and stepped towards the microphone as the Mayor moved back. She leaned down slightly over the podium.

"That will be all the questions we're taking for today," she said, cheerfully. "We want to thank everyone for coming out. We're going to do a quick photo op now."

Laura swiftly picked up her camera. It had been sitting to her right on a tripod, filming the entire event. Carmilla observed Laura as she detached the camera, made a few adjustments, and then jumped in a crowd of photographers all snapping photos of the smiling Mayor in various poses. Laura peered through the viewfinder and adjusted her lens. A seriousness filled her features as she focused in on her subject.

Carmilla stood frozen in place with her eyes glued to Laura. She felt as though she was in some sort of dream-like state. The noise of the crowd sounded like a soft rumbling in the distance. Slowly, Laura looked to her left and finally caught sight of her. They were both ensconced in the moment, unable to look away. Laura blinked rapidly and moved the strap of the camera to rest on her shoulders. She walked towards Carmilla with an unhurried but steady pace. Their eyes didn't leave each others.

"Hey," Laura said, as she approached.

"Hey," Carmilla responded, in kind.

Laura suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. It drew her attention away from their extended staring contest. "Don't forget your bag, Laura." A fellow press member reminded her as he passed by them. She glanced at him and smiled in thanks. Her eyes drifted back to Carmilla.

"I'll be right back," Laura stated, nervously. "Don't go anywhere." She began to walk back towards her chair, and then stopped and turned around to confirm Carmilla was still there. "Please," she said, softly.

Carmilla watched Laura walk over to her seat and gather her things. She had packed her camera fairly quickly and folded up the tripod. Carmilla's nerves were starting to get the best of her as she waited. She ran her hand up through her hair. She could feel herself fidgeting. There was no need for all this twitchiness. She spotted a small park gazebo in the distance and made her way over there. She needed to get away from this space where people knew Laura. Whatever conversation they were about to have, none of them needed to witness it.

Laura threw her bag strap on her shoulder and turned to walk back to the other woman. She noticed the space where Carmilla had previously stood was empty, and she frowned. She scanned the surrounding area and then caught sight of Carmilla's figure, dressed head to toe in black, sitting alone in the distance. She narrowed her eyes and made the small trip over to the gazebo. Laura walked up the steps and placed her bag down on the bench. Carmilla stood quickly at Laura's appearance and moved her hands into her back pockets.

Laura gave it a moment and then she lunged forward wrapping her arms around Carmilla's shoulders. Carmilla stumbled backwards, nearly taking both of them down. She caught herself, stabilizing them with her hands on Laura's waist.

"I'm sorry," Laura said, taking a step back. "I'm sorry I hugged you so hard cause I know you're probably going through a lot of stuff. I just…"

Laura wasn't confident what Carmilla's presence today meant. She just knew that Carmilla's expression wasn't decisive or distant. The other woman mostly looked like what she could only describe as dazed. She stared at Laura as if her existence in this place was peculiar and fascinating.

In all fairness, Carmilla wasn't entirely sure what she was doing here either. She just knew this was unfinished. She knew her desire to see Laura again was an undeniable constant. But, mostly, she knew that it was wrong. Everything she was feeling in this moment was unfair and wrong. But when Laura looked into her eyes, her world opened up. It was a kaleidoscope of options and paths. Laura made her feel. And, feelings had traditionally not been a safe space for Carmilla. It was this insanity that she had spent so long avoiding. But the freedom she felt from it was addictive, like an intoxicating drug coursing through her veins.

"Do you have to go back?" Carmilla asked. Her voice was rough with emotion.

Laura shook her head in response. Carmilla reached out and took her hand. She threaded their fingers through each others and pulled Laura closer.

"Will you go somewhere with me?"

Laura nodded in agreement. She reached down with her other hand and retrieved her bag.

Carmilla squeezed her grip tighter and led Laura back towards the street.

 

///

 

The two women were sitting in the back of a cab, riding quietly as they made their way through the city. Laura had no clue where they were headed. She thought that this must had been the way Carmilla felt when she led them out on the moonlit beach to watch the sea turtles. She smiled at the memory. Laura looked over to see Carmilla's attention was still focused on staring out the window. She would have been concerned if not for the fact that they were still holding hands.

Laura leaned over towards the center of the back seat so she could peer out the front windshield of the cab. Otherwise, the passenger head rest and tv monitors were in her way. She saw an endless sea of bright red break lights in front of them.

"This will work," Carmilla stated suddenly.

The driver nodded and pulled over to the curb. Carmilla handed him some cash and motioned for Laura to get out. "Thanks," she said softly to their driver and slid across the seat. She exited from the passenger side after Laura and moved up onto the sidewalk.

The couple walked hand-in-hand for a few blocks and then made an abrupt turn at an awning covered entrance to a building. They walked through the glass doors into an empty but well-kept foyer. Carmilla pushed the button to call the elevator. Laura had about a million questions brewing in her head. But she felt if she spoke, then whatever it was they were doing would come to an abrupt halt. So she just focused on memorizing the building, in case she had to describe it to a potential hero saving her from being kidnapped or worse.

The elevator ride up was quiet. The walk down the hallway was the same. Carmilla finally let go of Laura's hand so she could retrieve the keys from her pocket. She flipped through a couple on her key ring, finally locating the right one and placed it into the lock. She glanced at Laura and then leaned her full weight into the heavy wooden door to open it.

Laura followed her into what appeared to be a dark apartment. She couldn't tell much from the little entranceway she had stepped into. She really didn't have an opportunity to see much before Carmilla turned around and pushed Laura firmly against the back of the door. Laura let out a little yelp of surprise, and then quickly caught up to what washappening as Carmilla crashed her lips into her own. The urgency of Carmilla's kisses egged Laura on. She had no hesitation in reciprocating, but she just had thought the encounter would go a little slower. It was now obvious that Carmilla had brought her here for the very intention of this. There was no point in being shy.

Laura dropped her bag to the ground and ran her hands up into Carmilla's hair to the nape of her neck, pulling the other woman's mouth tighter to her own. Carmilla bit at her bottom lip, tugging at it playfully. When Laura gasped in response, Carmilla used that opportunity to dip her tongue into the other woman's mouth. Laura moaned at the sensation and kissed Carmilla back deeply. Carmilla leaned forward using her hips to pin Laura to the door as they continued to kiss. She slid her hands up Laura's side to her waist. Carmilla tugged at the middle of the starched button-up shirt Laura wore, untucking it from her well-fitted pencil skirt. She then moved her hands up towards the collar and began prying it apart, unbuttoning it from the top down.

Carmilla managed to free the last button on the shirt with her lips still firmly attached to Laura's. She moved back for a moment to take in a deep breath and look down at her handiwork. Laura nipped at her smirking lips and she smiled in response. Carmilla's mouth moved to the side taking Laura's earlobe between her teeth for a moment and soothing the area with her tongue. She trailed kisses down Laura's throat, across her collarbone, and into the center of her chest. The open shirt hung loosely, allowing Carmilla access. Her hands dropped down to Laura's thighs. She played with the hem of Laura's skirt for a moment before running her fingertips underneath it and slowly sliding it up her legs.

"You've got to be kidding me with this outfit," Carmilla mumbled into Laura's chest, still laying open-mouthed kisses there.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Laura questioned, between pants.

"You just looked so _official_ in your little reporter duds. As soon as I saw you in this skirt, all I could think about was getting my hands underneath it." Carmilla pushed back for a moment. She took in Laura's flushed complexion. Her eyes were dark with want. "There's just… something about you," she whispered.

"Maybe it's my keen fashion sense," Laura half-joked.

Carmilla smirked at her and ran her hands further up her thighs. "No. It's definitely not that," she stated, slipping her fingers underneath the waistband of Laura's panties and pulling them down her legs. They dropped to her feet and Laura gingerly stepped out of them. Carmilla's mouth returned to hers, offering her open, soft kisses. Her hands ran up underneath the back of Laura's shirt searching for a clasp. When she couldn't find one, she slid them around to the front finding it there. She released it and pushed Laura's bra cups to the side so she could take her breasts in her hands. She massaged them and then moved her mouth down to lay kisses across the swell of her breasts. Laura shuddered with desire as Carmilla began to nip and suck at her nipples. Carmilla dropped her hands back down to Laura's thighs and gently ran her fingers across them. Then she moved her hand between Laura's legs and, now with no barrier, stroked the length of her.

Laura made a noise she couldn't immediately identify as her own. It was such a guttural response to Carmilla's touch. She couldn't recall ever being such a needy mess before. Carmilla rested her forehead against Laura's. Her eyes were closed as she continued to move her fingers.

"Yes?" Carmilla pleaded, in soft pants.

"Yes," Laura responded, shakily.

Carmilla swiftly dropped down to her knees. She pushed Laura's skirt further up on her hips and pulled her left leg over her shoulder. Then Carmilla laid her mouth on Laura. The sharp intake of Laura's breath cut through the still air. She ran her tongue over the same path that her fingers had just taken. She set a slow but steady pace, allowing Laura to absorb the sensations. She listened for her whimpers and studied what made her tremble. When she hit her most sensitive spot, Laura grabbed at Carmilla's head and held her there. It wasn't long before she couldn't stop herself from moving her hips, grinding against Carmilla's mouth.

"Carm," Laura whined.

Carmilla reached up and pressed her hand against Laura's abdomen, attempting to hold her hips against the door. It wasn't enough, though. Laura was quickly approaching her orgasm and she could think of very little on this earth that could stop her right now. She gripped on tighter to the back of Carmilla's head and rutted shamelessly against her. Laura bit at her lip and did her best to hold back her moans. The feverish moment steadily built as Carmilla's tongue finally made her tumble over the edge. She rolled her hips until her body was spent. Her legs felt like jelly beneath her, and she struggled to hold herself upright.

Carmilla slid Laura's leg off her shoulder and braced her hands against Laura's waist. She helped her slowly move down until Laura was now kneeling, straddling Carmilla's lap. Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla's shoulders and Carmilla wrapped them around her middle They sat there together on the floor, with Carmilla's head against Laura's chest. Their deep breaths echoing as Carmila listened for Laura's heartbeat to finally return to a solid and steady rhythm.

"Hey," Laura said. Her voice was a high, soft whisper. Carmilla hummed. Laura continued. "Do you think we can go into the rest of the apartment now?"

Carmilla laughed a low chuckle and squeezed Laura tighter.

"Of course," she answered.

 

///

 

Carmilla kept her promise. They did walk through the rest of the apartment. Laura didn't get the opportunity to see much of it, though. As soon as they recovered, they were back on their feet undressing each other as they stumbled towards the bed. Laura had managed to work out that they were in a large, open studio apartment. A tall, wide, and very full bookshelf was the only thing separating the bedroom from the kitchen/living room area.

Laura was now sitting up in bed. Carmilla and her had fallen asleep, following their second session. She had awoken not too long after, but didn't want to disturb the other woman. The journalist had tiptoed through the apartment back towards the front door. She went to retrieve her work bag and ended up with that and Carmilla's t-shirt from the floor. She slipped it over her head and sat back down on the bed. Then she pulled out her laptop in an attempt to get started on her article.

The apartment was mostly dark and somewhat quiet. The sounds from the street below and the occasional elevator ding were the only noise. Long, flowing curtains blocked the large, floor-length window near the bed. The glow around the perimeter of the curtains told her that the sun was just starting to set in the western sky.

Laura looked around the space once again and sighed softly. There were no personal pictures anywhere. The artwork on the walls was tasteful, but not insightful to the identity of the owners. The dark wood and elegant, but not ostentatious, decor reminded her of the dean's home. Carmilla was clearly comfortable in this space. The open floor plan made her think of the square little treehouse. Maybe this was Carmilla's fully realized grand vision of that. She shook her head at the thought.

The glow from her laptop provided a soft light across the bed. Laura glanced at Carmilla's sleeping form. Her dark curls laid haphazardly across the pillow and her face. Laura pulled her camera from her bag and plugged her headphones into it. She opened the large viewfinder, scanned through the photos, and then pulled up the video recording from earlier. She listened intently to the Mayor's words and jotted down a few notes on the blank document open on her laptop. She had a pretty solid idea of the article she wanted to write. Ideas easily formed now as she listened to the playback of the press conference.

"Whatcha doing there, Lois Lane?"

Carmilla's sleepy voice cut through Laura's focus and she turned her head. She smiled as the woman stretched and rolled over next to her like a cat. Laura pulled the ear buds from her ears, looking down at her.

"Just working," she answered softly.

"Yeah. You were a tiger out there today," Carmilla responded, wiping at her eyes. She paused for a moment. "You were tiger in here, too."

Laura laughed tenderly at her words. Carmilla reached out and rested her hand on Laura's stomach. She mumbled, "nice shirt" and then pushed her face back into the pillow beneath her head. "I don't want to interrupt," she continued, her words now muffled. "Your article is probably due soon."

"Just by midnight," Laura responded. She closed the laptop and placed the camera on top of it. Then she moved both items carefully over to the nightstand, storing them safely away. Her momentum was stalled the minute she heard Carmilla's voice. Laura brushed Carmilla's soft hair away from her face. Carmilla could feel Laura's eyes on her.

"I'm more interesting than government espionage? I'm flattered," Carmilla said, with her eyes still closed. She loved the feeling of Laura's fingers in her hair. "Or maybe you just enjoy scandal in general."

Laura hummed in response. She continued to stroke Carmilla's hair, brushing it back from her temple. "Not a fan of scandal in my life, actually," she finally responded.

"But an illicit affair?" Carmilla teased. "A patient girlfriend waiting at home for her Veronica Mars to return. That's pretty scandalous."

"No one's waiting," Laura countered.

"What about that ginger giant I saw in your pictures?"

Laura's heart skipped at the thought of Carmilla wading through her social medias. She had spent so much time convincing herself that she was just a forgotten mistake to the other woman. She now felt a little less ridiculous in her assumptions about their interests in each other, even though Carmilla seemed to be very clearly still attached.

"We broke up," Laura admitted.

Still lying on her stomach, Carmilla raised her upper body resting her weight on her elbows. She wanted to look Laura in the eyes.

"Danny is a good person," Laura continued. "I couldn't…. I couldn't do this to her." They watched each other for a moment. Carmilla saw the deep rise and fall of Laura's chest as she fought back the tears looming in the corners of her eyes.

"We should talk."

The words spilled from Laura's lips, as Carmilla had already begun her descent. Her mouth hovered just above Laura's left hip bone, her warm breath ghosting across her skin. Carmilla slid her lips a few inches in and latched onto the soft skin there, sucking and scraping her teeth at it. Laura squirmed underneath her. Carmilla moved closer to the other woman and adjusted. She began leaving a trail of hickeys across Laura's abdomen. The proximity to her center and the sensitivity of the area sent Laura deeper and deeper into the fog. Laura searched for her voice.

"We need to talk about what this means," she finally managed to say.

Carmilla moved her mouth to Laura's right hip bone, as she cupped the other woman. Her thumb slid down, circling Laura's entrance. Laura watched her closely, vibrating beneath her touch. Her hips twitched in response. Carmilla's thumb glided easily along her wetness, and Laura groaned at her body's betrayal of her intentions.

Carmilla raised her head, but continued her motion with her hand. "What was that?"

Laura opened her mouth and attempted to speak. But as soon as she was finally able to articulate the words, Carmilla slid her index and middle fingers easily inside of her. Laura's head fell back at the sensation.

"God, you're an asshole," Laura stated, still looking up at the ceiling. She groped blindly, grasping at Carmilla's shoulders. "Come here."

Carmilla complied and moved up to lay fully over Laura. Her fingers pumped steadily, as their lips met in open-mouthed desperate kisses. She increased her pace to match the rhythm of Laura's thrusting hips.

"It's ok if you'd rather talk, Cupcake," Carmilla said, through labored breaths. The sarcasm colored the tone of her voice. She was working hard to keep up with Laura's desired rate.

"Shut up," Laura responded, her throat sounding strained. "Just don't stop."

Carmilla smiled and returned to kissing the woman beneath her. She only intended to be difficult as a means of riling the other woman up. Talking was inevitable and painful. She wanted just a few more moments of bliss with Laura. She hoped that she could give her the level of pleasure that Carmilla felt in her presence.

Laura's hands were gripped tightly in other woman's hair. She plunged her tongue into Carmilla's mouth to the same tempo that Carmilla set in her. Carmilla felt Laura pulsing strongly around her fingers. Her soft whimpers slowly quieting as her body shook and settled. Carmilla placed a final soft kiss on Laura's lips and then lifted her head. They just stared at each other, as Carmilla used her free hand to push back Laura's disheveled hair from her face.

"Get on your knees."

Carmilla was woken from her reverie at Laura's instructions. She raised an eyebrow at the request and shifted, straddling Laura and then moving upright. Laura took the opportunity to scoot her body down the bed, placing her head beneath Carmilla's center. She reached up gently and tugged at Carmilla's hips.

"Oh," Carmilla stated in understanding.

Laura lifted her head slightly. It was just enough for her to enter Carmilla with her tongue. She pulled Carmilla's weight more fully down into her.

"Oh," Carmilla repeated in a moan, this time falling forward and gripping the headboard.

 

///

 

The bed covers and flat sheet sat in a twisted pile on the floor. They had been kicked off some time ago during the day's activities. Carmilla laid flat on her back as she stretched her arms above her head. Laura was turned on her side facing Carmilla. She had a pillow tucked beneath her head, and she was aimlessly picking at a string extending from the edge of the pillow case.

Carmilla turned her head away from Laura, looking over at the nightstand near her side of the bed. She stared at her engagement ring sitting ever so casually next to the base of the lamp. She had taken it off when they had disrobed earlier. The diamond now caught her eye and sent her thoughts spinning.

"You know, there's this old adage," Carmilla started and then stopped. She looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then at Laura. "I don't even know if it's an adage. It's just this idea that when you find 'the one' you're supposed to know its them because they are your rock, your touchstone."

Carmilla took Laura's hand in her own. She placed their palms together and then allowed her fingers to slip between Laura's. She turned her hand and looked at the space on Laura's finger where a wedding ring would sit.

"Do you think it's that simple?" Carmilla asked. "All we need is dependability."

"Well, I think its more than that," Laura responded. She adjusted her head on the pillow. "I think it's dependability and stability, but it's also the idea of someone that can talk you down from the ledge. That person that keeps you from destroying yourself and everything around you."

"You getting dark on me, Cupcake?"

Laura rolled her eyes at the other woman playfully.

"I just mean I understand where the idea comes from. It's like Danny. She is all kinds of strong and righteous. She was affectionate and loyal, kind of like a golden retriever. Or what's that big red dog?"

"Clifford?" Carmilla questioned.

"No, I mean the breed."

Carmilla raised her eyebrow at the comparison. Perhaps, it wasn't completely a surprise that this _Danny_ was no longer in the picture.

"Whatever. I didn't mean it in a bad way," Laura defended.

Laura's comparison had done anything to answer Carmilla's question. If all we needed was dependability, then they certainly wouldn't be lying here in bed together. Laura would be off playing fetch with Xena. Carmilla let out a long breath. She wasn't sure yet what it was that Laura made her feel. She just knew it was the opposite of the claustrophobia she experienced so often with Ell. She had been numb to it for so long. Now, that she'd been off her meds for a month and was starting to feel her old self returning, she noticed how dramatic it was. She felt like an elephant that had been chained at a young age and didn't understand that as an adult they were big and strong enough to break away. She pouted.

"What are you thinking about?" Laura asked.

"How humanity is inherently horrific and cruel," she mumbled. She looked into Laura's eyes. She didn't feel the slightest bit claustrophobic in Laura's presence, but she did feel somewhat lost and directionless. Perhaps, because it was just such new territory. "I guess it's easy to get enamored with the idea of someone brand new who has no expectations of you."

"That's true, too," Laura added. "But I think there's definitely a difference between feeling trapped and just feeling the general weight of responsibility."

"Or maybe we're missing the whole point," Carmilla said, laying her head back down against the mattress and looking up. "Maybe love isn't about someone being your stable, stationary rock. Maybe it's about someone setting you free, making you feel like your possibilities for growth or destruction are endless."

Laura stared past Carmilla to the large dividing bookshelf beside the bed. She had never considered it that way. She had always subscribed to her father's perspective on safety and dependability in a partner. But didn't that inherently imply that you were incapable? Instead of planning for the best case scenario, you spent your life with the person who was there to handle your worst. It felt counterintuitive. Love should only make you feel _capable_.

"You know, I could see Ell being a Westie. One of those perfect looking little white dogs that you see in photos of happy, well-to-do families." Carmilla pontificated. "They're kind of bossy and high maintenance cause it takes effort to keep their fur groomed so beautifully. But no one sees that when they look at them. They just think, 'what an adorable little teddy bear of a doggie.'"

Carmilla looked over at Laura who was staring back at her with a scrunched brow.

"You're right, We should stop comparing our girlfriends to dog breeds," Carmilla offered. She sat up in bed and moved her legs to the edge. "I'm starving. You want to get something to eat?"

Laura simply nodded in response.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... it's been a while. I'm truly sorry about that. If you very understandably forgot where we left off: following a work event that brought Laura to the city, Carmilla and her were reuniting in an undisclosed location after failing to stay away from each other post their one-night affair. This chapter and the previous chapter were originally intended to be one big chapter. But I split them up and then I disappeared and now here we are. Hope you still enjoy!

The discussion of where to order food from didn't last long once Carmilla clarified that the local deli had an amazing selection of cookies. Laura quickly vetoed any other options. She then slipped away to the bathroom, while Carmilla made a call to the sandwich shop to place their orders. When Laura returned, she found Carmilla sitting on the bed wearing a tank top and pair of shorts that she had definitely not arrived with. Laura took that as a sign that she could continue to wear Carmilla's previously discarded moon phases shirt.

"I forgot to ask," Carmilla stated, as Laura returned to the bed and sat down next to her. "Did you want something else to drink besides water?"

"I'm usually partial to grape soda, but I think I could use the hydration," Laura answered. "Water's good."

Carmilla leaned over and gave the other woman a soft kiss on the cheek. It was such a simple gesture. Laura wasn't sure why it caused her to blush, given everything else they had been up to just moments before. Carmilla stood up from the bed and made her way towards the kitchen. Laura watched the sway of her hips as she strode away.

"I'm pretty sure I left a Brita pitcher here," the dark-haired woman mumbled to herself.

"I've been meaning to ask you. Where in the Hufflepuff are we?" Laura questioned, out into the open space.

The kitchen area of the apartment was darker, and Laura couldn't see much from where she was anyway with the open-bookshelf divider blocking her view. She heard some motion in the distance and then the sound of a refrigerator door closing. Carmilla's slight figure was headed back towards her with a glass of water in each hand.

"Technically, it's the Dean's place," Carmilla said, in that languid way that simultaneously annoyed and excited her.

Laura closed her eyes, letting out a long breath. She gestured to the area she was sitting in, her palms facing up.

"Oh my god. We've been… in your mother's bed?"

"It's just an apartment," Carmilla dismissed. "She bought it long ago and holds onto it for investment purposes. The place is more like a hotel. She only uses it when she visits the city, or sometimes she lends it out to visiting professors. Hell, I even lived here for three years after I graduated from NYU."

Carmilla extended her hand offering Laura a glass of water. She took it still eyeing Carmilla skeptically.

"Well, that explains the shorts," Laura said, with a smirk.

"They were... left behind," Carmilla explained.

Laura shook her head at the other woman. "They are velour booty shorts that have the word 'hottie' written across the ass. Not that I disagree with their sentiment, but really?"

"They just so happen to also be really comfortable," Carmilla stated, as she pulled lightly at the hem of them. "I kept some clothes here after I moved out, just in case. Turned out to be helpful as I always seemed to end up here after Ell and I fought."

A sudden knock at the door caused them both to jump. Carmilla hopped up and made her way towards it. She stopped mid-way and picked up her black skinny jeans from the floor. The visitor knocked, again. "Hold on," she called out annoyed, fishing her wallet out of her pant's pocket.

Carmilla returned to the bed with a couple bags in tow. She handed Laura her sandwich, and then she placed a bag of potato chips and another bag of freshly baked cookies in between them. Laura managed to take a couple bites of her sandwich before she couldn't help herself anymore. She snuck her fingers inside the cookie bag and broke off a piece of a thick chocolate chip cookie.

Carmilla watched her with an amused smirk on her face. Laura brought the piece of cookie up to her mouth and hesitated before she took a bite. Carmilla raised an eyebrow at the gesture.

"No comment about how I'm going to spoil my dinner?" Laura asked.

"You're a big girl. I trust you to make decisions about what you put in your mouth," Carmilla answered, eating a potato chip. "I haven't been disappointed so far."

Laura shook her head at the other woman, with a close-mouthed smile. "You're unbelievable."

She extended her hand towards Carmilla. Their eyes stayed locked together. Carmilla bit at her bottom lip briefly and then opened her lips accepting the piece of cookie.

Laura took an overly eager bite of her sandwich in response. She discovered that she was much hungrier than she originally realized and made fairly quick work of it. Of course, Carmilla continued to flirt, feeding her potato chips along the way. Her salty fingers lingered at Laura's lips a little too long each time. As Laura finished up the last bite of her sub, she leaned over to retrieve her glass of water from the nightstand. She tilted her head back, taking a long drink, and felt a pair of soft lips at her throat.

Laura brought her chin down and captured Carmilla in a kiss, her free hand threading through her raven locks. Carmilla gingerly took the glass from Laura's hand and placed it on the floor beside the bed and kissed her, again. Laura responded by opening her mouth wider as Carmilla slid her hand underneath Laura's shirt, cupping her bare breasts.

"Wait, wait," Laura said.

Carmilla groaned in response.

"I know." Laura let out a breath. "I just really need to work on my article." Laura moved her hands to Carmilla's cheeks. "Writing now. Smooching later."

"Say no more," Carmilla replied, sliding off the woman.

She began collecting the wrappers from the sandwiches and napkins and placed them in the delivery bags. She picked up the small brown paper sleeve that held the cookies and moved them to the nightstand next to Laura's laptop. Carmilla kissed the other woman on the top of the head quickly and gathered a few items to carry to the kitchen. She then returned with a refilled glass of water and set it near the cookies.

"I feel like I should tip you," Laura said. She was quite amused with this suddenly very helpful version of the usually broody woman.

Carmilla leaned down placing her hands on the bed in front of Laura. She moved in close. "That's for later," she whispered. She placed a soft, chaste kiss on the other woman's lips and slipped away.

Carmilla walked over to the large bookshelf and examined her options. She then pulled down a fairly robust-looking novel, propped up some pillows, and made her place on the bed next to Laura.

 

///

 

"Did the city's byzantine bureaucracy finally call a meeting to discuss the fact that inflammatory evidence had surfaced blatantly disputing their claims? Not in the slightest. In fact, their response to mentioning the subject at all was to immediately position rightfully concerned citizens as public enemy number one. Even though, remaining silent on the subject will only add fuel to the fire. Mayor Vordenburg has now forced the town to draw their own conclusions, but the allegations won't remain buried forever. The truth will be revealed, and the findings will hold consequences."

Laura paced back and forth at the foot of the bed, reading her completed article aloud. She balanced her laptop in one hand and motioned animatedly with the other as she read.

Carmilla watched her from a lounging position on the bed. Her eye line sat just above the top of the book in her hands, following the small woman as she moved back and forth.

"It's one thing if we had nothing, but the report was right there in our hands. We have physical evidence, and he just dismisses it as if I'm holding some useless scrap." Laura abruptly snapped her laptop shut and tossed it onto the mattress. Her hands now sat on her hips. "I really thought I had him! Except that Armani model stepped in. Who would have thought as far as evil goes, two-faced corrupt Mayor is actually way down the list from PR consultant?"

Carmilla offered her exasperated friend a smirk in response.

"I wouldn't be too hard on yourself," she stated. "You were aggressive as possible out there. Everyone else was just hiding behind their notepads."

"That's because I had to be," Laura replied. She scooped up her discarded laptop and camera and began loading it back in her work bag. "I only got this assignment because the lead reporter is on vacation and they needed someone to cover it. This was my big shot, and I got nowhere."

Carmilla nodded gently towards her side, inviting the other woman to come sit with her. Carmilla placed her arm across the shorter woman's shoulders as she cuddled up next to her. Laura rested her head against Carmilla's chest and draped an arm across her stomach.

"I think I'm just nervous because my part time teaching job is over," Laura said softly. "This is all I have now."

Carmilla hummed in response as she gently stroked Laura's arm. She placed a tender kiss against Laura's temple, and they both relaxed into the embrace. Unspoken words floated above them threatening their bubble, once again. Laura had brought up a repercussion of their actions. Working with Danny was no longer an option because of this. Whether she liked it or not, she was being forced to pursue a life outside of the comfortable world she had built. It was all in free fall now. In this moment, all she could think of is whether Carmilla had any intention of joining her there. Her hopes dangled like delicate threads bearing weight that was clearly too heavy for them. Laura's gut twisted with the thought this was just a shallow encounter that left her with nothing but the dim reality of her transgressions.

She felt Carmilla shift underneath her. Carmilla's once slow, steady heartbeat had quickened and now thundered in her chest.

"Could we…" Carmilla started to say and then stopped. She swallowed thickly, her fingers slowly running through Laura's hair. "Could we pretend, just for tonight, that if I asked, we'd run away? We'd find some way to leave and we'd just go. Somewhere without mayors or fiancés. There'd be no one to fail or disappoint. It would just be you and me, together."

Laura clinched her eyes shut as she listened to Carmilla's words. Her heart ached in her chest. She recalled very vividly having similar thoughts in a much too warm bathtub not long ago. The fantasy of escape did not allude her. Yet, Carmilla's desire to "pretend" felt like pinpoint stabs. She still thought of their relationship as something that existed outside the realm of the attainable, when Laura had already invested so deeply in the potential of it being a reality.

Laura sat up in the embrace, as Carmilla watched her closely.

"I get it. I really do. We could just walk away from everything," Laura stated, sadly. Her gaze shifted to her own hands, as she threaded her fingers together. "But I don't want to be that person."

Carmilla nodded solemnly.

"My mom," Laura continued, still looking down. "She had her reasons, but she did that. She was that person. And, the adult in me understands why but the kid in me can't help but feel abandoned." Laura finally looked up at Carmilla. Her eyes were glossy with impending tears. "I don't want to run away, Carm. I don't want to abandon anything."

Carmilla reached out, cupping the other woman's cheek and running her thumb gently across it. Laura leaned into her caress, as the tears finally spilled from her eyes.

"I know," Carmilla whispered.

Laura gripped at the other woman's shirt, as Carmilla pulled her back into her arms. She rested Laura's head against her chest, and tried desperately not to shake. Carmilla eyes fell shut as she rested her chin upon Laura's head. Her mind raced with options, but one thing became increasingly clear.

"I want to be with you," Carmilla reassured. "I just need some time to figure out how."

"Please, don't leave me."

Laura's voice sounded so fragile in her ears. Carmilla nodded, again.

A life of numb compliance had saved Carmilla so many times in the past from the pain of making choices. And now, that pain hit her like a wall. Carmilla immediately wanted her life to end. Her actions today were selfish and unforgivable. She had wanted so badly to set everything ablaze, and she got her wish. Now, the flames grew higher and higher around them both. Laura was right: time will reveal everything and the truth will have its consequences. Panic rose thick and unwanted in her throat.

Carmilla glanced down at the woman in her arms and her mind suddenly stilled. Whatever this was between them was more than just an intense physical attraction. She experienced a calm with Laura that she had never felt before. The feeling was overwhelming and one she struggled to articulate. It was easier just to kiss the annoyingly inquisitive woman. But kisses gave way to pillow talk and pillow talk revealed that Laura was perhaps just as broken as her.

The ideas of need and want blurred. She opened her mouth to speak but the words did not come.

Laura reached up pulling Carmilla down to her. She bruised Carmilla's lips with kisses, only breaking for a moment to reclaim her breath. Carmilla slid down flat against the mattress reveling in the feel of Laura's weight on top of her. Laura eagerly stripped Carmilla of her clothing and then discarded her own. Her touch was filled with a level urgency and desperation that could only be matched by the other woman. Their moans echoed off the thin walls, as they moved swiftly in sync. They kept their mouths connected in open, sloppy kisses as they grinded against each other at a frantic pace. They were hurtling towards the end, fighting the rising sun that would change everything.

 

///

 

The couple approached the stairs down to the subway tentatively. They both dragged their feet, hoping that the small somewhat unproductive steps would stretch out the moment just a bit longer. Laura halted and turned around, letting out a long breath. She had received a call from her editor this morning, while her and Carmilla were at breakfast. They needed her to stay in the city a few more days to conduct some follow-up interviews for her article. It turned out the ambiguity of the Mayor's answer did raise suspicions, and she was tasked with digging deeper.

They moved like identical polar magnet ends. An impenetrable space sat between them. When one of them would lean in, the other would lean back. But, the forced space between them was still fully charged. Laura could admittedly not keep a goofy grin off her face. Carmilla, in turn, could not keep her eyes off of Laura.

"So I'll see you tomorrow then," Laura said, finally breaking the silence.

Carmilla shoved her hands into her pockets and raised an eyebrow in response. A smirk danced across her lips.

"Can I kiss you goodbye?" Laura asked.

"God, I hope so," Carmilla answered, as Laura moved towards her. Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura's waist and leaned in. She pressed their lips together and was quickly reminded of their sweet breakfast earlier. "You still taste like hot chocolate," she mumbled against Laura's lips and then kissed her deeper.

Laura giggled in response, backing away for a moment and moving in again to steal one last kiss.

"See you later, Carm," Laura called out, as she walked towards the stairs. She nearly tripped on the first step down craning her head to look back at the other woman.

Carmilla ran over and Laura turned around grasping tightly onto the railing. She leaned down and kissed her once more.

"Text me when you get to the hotel," Carmilla instructed. And, with that, Laura finally made her way.

 

///

 

Across the street, Ell sat in the back of a yellow cab at a stoplight. Her gaze was locked outside the window. When she first spotted the mess of dark curls, she knew immediately it was her fiance. It took her another moment to recognize Laura. As she watched them embrace over and over again, her world dropped out from underneath her. The pulsing of blood clouded her ears and she bit at her tongue. She couldn't look away.


	12. Chapter 12

Carmilla leaned against the elevator wall and let out a long breath. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and tilted her head back until it rested gently against the brushed metal surface. She couldn’t sort out how she felt. The rush of being with Laura had her head floating, but she was no doubt exhausted from it all. Her heart was on an emotional rollercoaster. And, it wasn’t one of the smooth modern ones that glided along the twists, turns, and flips with ease. It was definitely an old school wooden coaster, laboring up the track with loud clicks and jerks only to descend on a jarring and rattling path.

After Carmilla had dropped Laura off earlier at the subway, she had returned to her mother’s apartment. She wanted to straighten up the place and change the sheets on the bed, just in case there would be someone new occupying the space soon. The guilt of her previous transgressions seeped through as she worked. Carmilla kept reminding herself that she wasn’t there to cover up or hide her actions. She was simply being courteous. Carmilla couldn’t shake the feeling that she was hiding away, though.

Now, she found herself finally returning home. The path felt unfamiliar. She felt like she had been away for a week, instead of just the past 24 hours. A sharp ding signified that the elevator had arrived to her floor, and it pulled her away from her thoughts. As Carmilla entered her apartment, she heard the telltale sounds of the shower running. Ell must have already made it home from her weekend visit to see her family.

Carmilla walked softly into the bathroom. She stared at the blurry figure moving behind the steamed-up glass shower doors. Briefly, she considered announcing her presence but quickly changed her mind. She turned around and headed back out to the living room. She needed a minute.

“There you are.” Ell’s voice rung in her ears. Carmilla felt a hand on her shoulder and a soft kiss against her cheek.

Her fiancé’s sudden presence had startled her, and Carmilla shifted in her seat on the couch with a slight smile. Ell sat down on the edge of the cushion next to her. Her robe hung loosely on her frame and her wet hair was wrapped up in a towel.

“You’re watching tv?” Ell asked, the confusion evident in her voice.

Carmilla looked at the remote in her hand and then up at Ell. She had no specific memory of the last 10 minutes, other than walking to the living room and sitting down on the couch. Since that point, she had been lost deep in her thoughts. She glanced at what was playing on the television.

“Not really,” Carmilla responded. “I was just kind of zoning out.”

“I was confused seeing you without a book in your hands,” Ell stated. “I thought for a minute I was in the wrong house.”

Carmilla offered her a closed mouth smile in response. “How was your trip?”

“Good,” Ell said quickly and then stood up. “I am actually pretty tired from traveling, though. So I’m going to head to bed. Don’t stay up too late.”

Carmilla nodded as she watched Ell’s figure disappear though their bedroom door.

 

///

 

The small digital screen flashed with an entirely unhelpful, vague message. Carmilla punched at a few buttons, attempting to curate some type of positive communication with the machine. She thenreached down to the side pulling out the tray that corresponded to the message and closed it back firmly. She heard parts moving, signifying that the offending thing was recalibrating. Finally, the printer began to hum in a way that indicated with it actually working.

“That’s what I thought,” Carmilla mumbled under her breath. While she waited for the printer to do its job, she glanced down at her phone noting the time. This day was dragging terribly. She had plans to meet up with Laura for an early lunch, and Carmilla felt as though she was spending most of her work day willing the seconds to tick by.

“Carm-sexy,” Kirsch called out. He stood next to her with his trademark goofy grin and perfectly coifed hair, holding two cups of coffee in his hands. “Boss hottie is waiting for you in the conference room.”

“I thought I told you not to call me that,” Carmilla stated, annoyed.

“Sorry, bro,” Kirsch offered, apologetically. “Oh. Duty calls!” he continued, motioning towards his headset. “Bageerha Design. This is Kirsch. How may I help you?” she heard him say, as he made his way back towards the front desk.

Carmilla watched him walk away and then headed to their main conference room. As she approached, she noticed the door was slightly ajar. This meeting wasn’t on her calendar and she felt her anxiety rise as she pushed it fully open. Ell was sitting at the table across from two people she didn’t recognize. The three of them looked up at her and smiled.

“She’s arrived,” Ell said, getting up from her chair. She motioned for Carmilla to come sit next to her.

The two redheads across the table glanced at each other for a moment and then turned back.

“Hi. I’m LaFontaine,” they said, extending their hand.

“And I’m Lola Perry,” the other one continued.

“Carmilla,” she stated simply, as she shook both of their hands. Carmilla then looked over at Ell, expectantly. Ell smiled brightly and motioned for them to continue.

“Right,” LaFontaine stated. “So as we told Ell, we really just wanted to take today to get an idea of how we’d all like to proceed. There’s some basic things we can address.”

Perry slid a binder across the table in front of Ell and Carmilla. Carmilla instinctually leaned forward to get a closer look.

“So what are we talking about here? Rebranding? Website design?” Carmilla asked.

The two redheads looked at each other knowingly, again, and smiled.

“We’re from LaFerry,” Lola explained. Carmilla shrugged in response. “Wedding planning,” she continued.

Carmilla felt Ell place her hands on top of her own, and her stomach dropped.

“I was thinking about what we talked about the other day,” Ell stated, turning her body more towards Carmilla. Her voice was soft, as if she was intending the words just for Carmilla. But it was clear that the two visitors across the table could hear her. “And you’re right. I shouldn’t be making decisions for the both of us. We should be making them together. So I asked them to come down today, so you and I could start making decisions… together.”

Carmilla felt the room start to spin and she struggled to take a calming breath. She swallowed thickly.

“I know this can all be pretty overwhelming,” Lola began. “I find the best place to start is with the desired type of venue. Because the venue can drive the date, and the date can drive the venue. It’s best to set agreeable expectations upfront, so we’re all working from the same place.”

“Makes total sense,” Ell responded.

Carmilla heard them speaking, but their voices sounded distant. Her mind was racing. She had to tell Ell the truth. It wasn’t fair to any of them. And now, there were outside people being roped into this charade. All of the decisions she had made since she met Laura came crashing down on her at once. All of the denial and lies and emotions. Ell gripped Carmilla’s hand tighter and motioned for her to join in. She had to tell her. This wasn’t the moment. This couldn’t be the moment. Carmilla nodded politely and made her best attempt to focus.

Perry opened the binder. It was divided into perfectly kept color-coded sections for each of the topics. She flipped to the first section. Large vibrant photos of different wedding venues were revealed to them. As Ell and Perry started to discuss the merits of each, Carmilla pictured herself standing at the altar. Ell was standing across from her dressed in white, but just a few feet behind her stood Laura. She shifted her eyes to focus on the other woman. Carmilla blinked rapidly and shook her head. She glanced over at LaFontaine who was watching her with a sympathetic gaze. She immediately wondered how many times the redhead had seen this look on clients before. Was it common? Or was Carmilla the only horrible monster that thought of another woman as she sat next to her fiancé making wedding plans.

Perry placed her finger under the purple tab denoting the wedding invitations section. They were three topics in when Carmilla felt the vibration of the phone in her pocket. She discreetly retrieved it to look at the notification. It was the second text from Laura asking if they were still on. _Fuck._ She was already a half hour late. Carmilla looked up to see everyone staring at her. She must have reacted out loud.

“Sorry. Please continue,” Carmilla said to Perry. As Perry started to speak, Carmilla closed her eyes and sighed. “No,” she interrupted. “Actually, I can’t.”

“What’s going on?” Ell asked, quickly.

“I can’t…” Carmilla said and then opened her eyes and looked at Ell. “I can’t stay. I forgot I had an appointment. I’m so sorry.”

Carmilla stood up abruptly. Ell sat there motionless, stunned by the sudden change as Carmilla left the room.

 

///

 

Carmilla fidgeted in the backseat of the cab, leaning forward to look out the front. She spotted the delivery truck that was now blocking two lanes, and its driver that appeared to be deep in an argument with someone else on the sidewalk. She looked down at her phone. There was still no response since she had texted Laura 20 minutes ago to let her know that she was on her way.

The cab jolted forward as the bumper-to-bumper traffic finally started to move. She watched the little blue circle on the dashboard GPS inch forward slowly. The green space that indicated the park on the map finally came into view, and Carmilla felt a small wave of relief pass through her. As the car pulled to a stop, Carmilla paid the man quickly and exited the vehicle.

She immediately spotted Laura in the distance sitting at the gazebo and broke out in a jog in that direction. As she approached, Laura stood and Carmilla ascended the steps swiftly and pulled her into a hug.

“Cupcake,” she said, gripping Laura tightly. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s ok,” Laura replied. “I know it’s hard to break away from work sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Carmilla agreed.

Laura moved out of the embrace, but left her hand resting on Carmilla’s forearm.

“Speaking of which, I unfortunately don’t have a ton of time left. So I don’t know if we’ll be able to go eat. Which is truly unfortunate, because I am not a pleasure to be around when I’m hungry. I mean, its not like the worst thing ever but whatever tiny amount of tact I have just goes right out the window.”

Laura slowed her rant as she noticed the upset look on Carmilla’s face.

“Oh my god,” she blurted out. “Are you ok? I’m not even thinking right. Work couldn’t have been easy today after yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Carmilla repeated, sitting down on the gazebo bench. She avoided Laura’s eyes.

“You told her, right?” Laura asked, softly. Carmilla continued to stare down at her hands. “Did you both go into work today?” Carmilla stayed silent. Laura unconsciously took a few steps away. “Nothing’s changed,” she whispered.

“It’s going to,” Carmilla countered. “I just need a little more time to…”

“Why were you really late today?” Laura questioned, interrupting her. She felt the tears begin to pool at the corner of her eyes.

“I told you I was in a meeting.”

“About what?”

Carmilla stood up and moved towards the other woman. Laura stepped back as she approached.

“About what?” Laura asked again, this time anger tinted in her voice.

Carmilla brought her hand up to cover her mouth as she eyed Laura closely. She slipped it around to the back of her neck and rubbed as she looked away. “Wedding plans,” she finally said. Her voice cracked with emotion. The words sat there between them, heavy and unwelcome. Their eyes finally met and Laura gave her an almost unperceptively small nod.

Laura picked up her bag from the bench and turned away. She took the few small steps down the gazebo out onto the grass before Carmilla called out to her. “Laura, please wait,” she pleaded.

“No,” Laura responded, turning back around to look up at Carmilla. “We can’t do this. I won’t do this.” Laura ran her hand up through her hair. “It was completely naive of me to believe if you hadn’t left her yet, that you would leave her now.”

“I just need more time,” Carmilla argued, again. “It’s really complicated. Ell is my whole world, you know. We’ve been friends since we were children. We live together. We run a business together. It’s not simple to just end that.”

“And it was just _so simple_ for me?” Laura asked.

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

Laura winced at Carmilla’s harsh reply. She looked away.

“You’re right. You didn’t.”

Laura stared at Carmilla intensely, her jaw clinched as the tears began to fall. “You’ve got all the time in the world now,” Laura stated. “We’re done.”

With that, she turned and walked away as quickly as her feet would carry her.

 

///

 

Carmilla turned the key in the lock to her apartment front door. Every motion felt like it took exceptional effort. She wasn’t even sure how long it had taken her to walk home from the park. She felt numb, again. But, unfortunately, this time it wasn’t the aloof numbness that came with too many years of antidepressants. It was the numbness of knowing too much. She had exceeded capacity emotionally and mentally. Now, the eerie quiet of watching her world burn into cinders cloaked her.

She made her way into the bedroom and crashed unceremoniously face-first onto the large pillow-top mattress that sat in the center. Maybe she would luck out. Maybe some power hungry sociopath would blow up the world or a devastating natural disaster would level them all in just minutes. Maybe she would just never open her eyes, again.

Carmilla heard a sound she usually associated with small white pills being rattled in a cylindrical plastic encasing. She turned her head to see Ell standing in the doorway to their adjoining bathroom with an amber medicine bottle perched between her fingertips. Carmilla blinked to clear her focus in an attempt to confirm that she was really seeing the other woman.

Ell stayed silent and brought Carmilla’s medication bottle closer to her face, rotating it slowly.

“What are you doing?” Carmilla asked, her voice still rough and strained from crying.

Ell stilled her movement and looked over at her.

"I'm checking to see if 'abandoning your fiancé' is listed as a side effect."

Carmilla pushed up from her prone position and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “That’s not fair,” she replied, as she rubbed at her face.

“Not fair?” Ell questioned. She then let out a small, bitter huff. “Not fair? Are you fucking kidding me?” She pushed off the side of the doorway and walked over to Carmilla, her stiletto heels clicking loudly against the dark hardwood floors of their apartment.

“I did everything for you,” Ell continued. “My entire life I’ve done _so_ much to accommodate you; to put up with your situation. And now, you want to talk about fair?”

Carmilla bristled at her words. ”How can you say that when know all too well that you're the one that did this to me? You and Mother."

"Don't you dare put me in the same category as her!”

“You’re just the same!” Carmilla stood up from the bed in anger. “You both just wanted things to be pristine and perfect and not have any messiness in your life. You both wanted me on those meds so you didn't have to deal with the reality of me.” Carmilla took a deep breath. She had never articulated this to anyone else or even herself. She looked Ell in the eyes. “I trusted you. But, don't you dare act like some sort of martyr. You just wanted your perfect little girlfriend and did what was necessary to keep that.”

"You needed help,” Ell stated matter-of-factly.

"You're damn right I did,” Carmilla responded. She plucked the medication bottle from Ell’s hand. “But not like this. I needed my mother. I needed my girlfriend. I didn't need to be drugged into submission."

Ell's eyes filled with tears as she approached Carmilla. She moved in close, only inches away and whispered, "I saw you kissing her."

Carmilla froze. Her throat closed, denying her the ability to speak. Which was perfectly fine seeing that she had no words, anyway. Ell moved back, satisfied that she had stunned her fiancé into silence.

"God damn it, Carmilla,” she said in a huff. “You've always blamed everyone else for your problems. First, it was your mother for the divorce and then me for planning your life. You want to act like you've suddenly seen the light. That the big scary cloud of medication and manipulation has finally lifted and suddenly you see me standing there with horns and a pitchfork. You want to pin it all on me. Meanwhile, you're off fucking some girl. A girl who is the daughter of the man your mother is about to marry. How fucking destructive can you be?”

Ell moved languidly past Carmilla and now stood a few feet away with her arms crossed.

“I know this was never taken into consideration because you were too busy comparing me to the Dean, but I do have a heart. There was a time where I was your best friend."

“I’m sorry,” Carmilla said softly.

"No, you're not,” Ell countered. “I’ve never been enough. I've known that."

"You are."

"You're fucking right I am,” Ell stated calmly. “I’m perfect marriage material.” Ell moved towards Carmilla, brushing at her already spotless jacket. “So what we're going to do here is sweep little Miss Muffet under the rug, and everything is going to continue as planned. I've already invested too much.”

Carmilla opened her mouth to speak, but the words stuck in her throat.

“This is your one shot at redemption, Carmilla."

Ell had laid it all out before them. Even in the absolute destruction of their relationship, Ell was planning every little detail. She was more determined to be the master of this situation, than she was to maintain what was left of their love. It was only going to be more of the same. Carmilla knew in her heart that she was the one deeply in the wrong. But, Ell didn’t seem to care. Carmilla was just a collector’s item to her. She was a highly sought after prize, but a prize none-the-less.

But, this was her life. This was her work. This was her home. She had to have stayed with Ell for a reason. Even if the reason eluded her at the moment, it didn’t mean it never existed. Maybe with the right person, in the right situation, Ell would be different. But 15 years of their dynamic was now set in stone. Ell needed an equal to keep her in check. No matter how hard Carmilla tried to keep up, the other woman was always too far ahead.

"I don't want it,” Carmilla finally said. Her own voice sounding foreign in her ears.

Today was to be all about endings.

Carmilla placed her engagement ring on the bedside table and walked out.

She found the sidewalk underneath her feet not long after that moment, and turned back to look up at the dimly lit window of her apartment. _Former apartment?_ She wasn’t sure. All she knew is that nothing would be the same from this moment on. The idea simultaneously thrilled and terrified her. Right now, Carmilla chose to be be punished for her sins in the form of making the long trek to her mother’s studio apartment on her feet.

Around mile four, her “work appropriate” footwear had started to really fail her. She could feel the corresponding blisters and marks developing. The lack of padding in the soles left the balls of her feet aching. This sucked. Everything about this situation sucked so bad. She spotted a set of stairs down to the subway and decided to take her chances.

A little over an hour later, she finally found herself at her desired destination. Several train delays and a quick stop at the liquor store had stymied her progress. She pushed open the heavy glass doors and entered the foyer of the building. As she made her way to the elevators, she heard a voice call her name. When she turned around, she immediately recognized the pair of warm brown eyes staring back at her.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

“Mr. Hollis.”

David took a few steps towards Carmilla, shoving his hands deeper into his coat pockets. His shoulders shifted up in response, and he opened his mouth to speak. Carmilla watched him silently for a moment, a bit dumbfounded at his sudden presence. Before he could get a word out, Carmilla interrupted him.

“If you’re here to tell me to stay away from your daughter…” she started to say. She stopped speaking when she saw him shaking his head ‘no.’

“I’m actually here to check on you,” he said and offered her a small smile.

Carmilla nodded and drug herself slowly over to the padded bench in the apartment building foyer. She plopped down, pulling the paper bag from the liquor store onto her lap. She motioned for him to join her.

“Ell called your mother,” David explained, as he sat down next to her. “I overheard the conversation and figured you’d be headed here. I stayed here with Lilita a couple times when we visited the city.”

Carmilla struggled to look him in the eyes. The brief thought that Laura wasn’t the only Hollis in that bed flitted through her mind. _No._ _She couldn’t go there_ , she told herself. So she just continued to stare forward as he spoke.

“I know about Laura, too,” he continued.

“Why are you really here?” Carmilla asked. She finally looked up meeting his eyes. She couldn’t fathom any situation where he would want to speak to her on positive terms.

David took a deep breath and settled further into the bench.

“Has Laura told you much about her mom?” David asked. Carmilla shook her head. “Liz was an elementary school teacher. She was just so naturally good with people. And, she had this annoyingly diplomatic way of seeing every story from both sides. I’d get upset about this or that happening, and instead of just siding with me, she would always challenge me to see it from the other person’s perspective. I guess it’s something that stuck with me.” David sighed, softly. “Your mother should really be here, but I knew there was no chance in hell of that happening.”

Carmilla chuckled sadly at his words.

“None of us are innocent, Carmilla,” David stated. “That doesn’t mean that we deserve to be abandoned.”

The last word of his statement echoed in Carmilla’s head. Laura had used that word just two nights ago in this very building. She had clutched onto Carmilla and begged her with tears in her eyes not to abandon her. Yet, here they were. Carmilla saw so much churning behind David’s eyes now. Perhaps, he was deeply familiar with this feeling.

“What happened with Laura’s mom?” Carmilla asked. The question just barely slipping out between her lips.

“You know, I’m actually not much of a sailor,” David answered. Carmilla raised an eyebrow in question. “No, really. This whole boat thing was Liz. She grew up sailing with her father. I took it on as a hobby after her. She loved the open water; talked about it all the time.” David rubbed at his chin, taking a moment of pause. “For years, she talked about us taking this family sailing trip down to the Caribbean. It was a chartered sort of thing where you got to participate as part of the crew. But, I was a cop and she was a teacher. We didn’t have a lot of disposable income.”

David took another deep breath and crossed his arms. This worried expression settled across his face that reminded Carmilla so much of his daughter.

“Then we found the brain tumor. Liz was open to treatment, but there weren’t really any viable options. It had gotten too big, too fast. The doctor said her time was limited. Laura was only eleven. Both her mother and I couldn’t fathom Laura losing so much so young. I was an adult. I could watch my wife die, and have some sort of understanding. But I just couldn’t handle my child having to watch her mother die.”

David bit at his lower lip and then continued. “Liz couldn’t handle it, either. The thought of it was just destroying her spirit. So I took what was saved up, and I booked her that trip. She fought me tooth and nail, but I insisted that she go.”

A stillness passed through the air as David told the story. Even with the constant street noise seeping in through the thick glass doors, Carmilla still felt suspended in the moment. She watched Laura’s father intently, as he continued to speak.

”She only agreed to go on the promise that I didn’t tell Laura that it was my idea. She wrote Laura a note and made it seem like she left on her own. Liz just didn’t want our daughter to hate me.”

Carmilla bowed her head. David seemed to be unloading so much off his chest in their mutual bubble of bad life decisions.

“Liz passed away while she was on the trip,” David said, coughing a little to clear his throat. “Laura was never the same. Before, she was so optimistic about life. She was always fantasizing about the future, always pretending to be something. Then after this happened, there were no more fairytales.”

Things started to take shape in Carmilla’s brain. Laura’s fear of following her work passion. Her predictable and safe relationship with Danny. Her desperate plea to not be abandoned. Whatever it was between them, Laura had trusted her. She was finally opening back up to the world of possibility. And, Carmilla had destroyed it like the petulant child that she is, kicking and moaning about how hard her life was to untangle. Carmilla rubbed at her temples. The stress of the realization was now manifesting itself physically.

“Did you ever tell her the truth?” Carmilla questioned.

David looked at her. His arms were still crossed over his chest, as he nodded ever so slightly.

“This afternoon,” he admitted. “Needless to say, she’s not too thrilled with either of us right now.”

Carmilla hummed in agreement. She reached down into the bag on her lap and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. She uncorked the top and offered it to Mr. Hollis. David hesitated for a moment and then took a sip. He handed it back to Carmilla, and she took one herself.

 

///

 

Carmilla sat at a small table outside the local cafe. The Saturday morning crowd bustled around her as she nursed what was left of her coffee. This was the first time she had been out of her mother’s studio apartment in a week. She had opted to “work from home” after the disastrous Monday to end all Mondays. She had heavily considered just disappearing off the face of the earth altogether. But she didn’t want their clients to suffer for her deeply unfortunate mistakes.

Carmilla had just finished up meeting with Natalie. It was clear that there was no chance that Ell was stepping away from their business. Even though she had put equal work into building their client list, Carmilla felt somewhat relieved at the idea of being able to walk away. It wasn’t so much the desire for a clean slate. She just felt that she had completely obliterated the slate, and it was best to figure out alternatives. Regardless, she wanted to start transitioning over her responsibilities so when the time came it wouldn’t be a total shock. Natalie had thankfully agreed to meet with her on a non-work day so Carmilla could start that process.

Her dark sunglasses and the copious amounts of caffeine she consumed were helping to ease Carmilla’s hangover just a bit. When Carmilla wasn’t working this past week, she had spent her time wallowing in bottles of various alcohols and boxes of takeout. She felt like she had re-read almost every book in the apartment. She didn’t trust herself to be left alone with her thoughts, even for a moment. So she had buried herself in distractions.

The bright sun on this perfectly clear day was incredibly unwelcome. She stood slowly, groaning a little from her overall discomfort. She pushed at her sunglasses, securing them at the bridge of her nose, as she started her trek back to the apartment.

Carmilla took a small detour through the pop-up Farmers Market. Free samples didn’t have quite the same ring to them as usual, but it was better than nothing. The place was covered with memories of the life she and Ell had built. A tray with coffee samples made its way in front of her and Carmilla took one quickly.

As she moved through a tent selling homemade preserves, she spotted a familiar head of red hair. The person turned around and made eye contact denoting recognition on their part, as well.

“Hey, Lafon…?”

“LaFontaine,” they responded with a smile.

Carmilla forced a smile to her face, as well. A moment of pause fell between them.

“Sorry about the…” Carmilla said, motioning in the air with her hands in an attempt to finish her statement. “I’m assuming Ell called you.”

“Yes. Not that she really needed to,” Laf said matter-of-factly.

“I guess me running out couldn’t have been a good sign.”

“I’ve been around a lot of couples,” Laf explained. “You tend to pick up on these things.”

“Oh right,” Carmilla replied. She moved her hand to her forehead, as if to confirm the obvious. “I can imagine with your job.”

LaFontaine shifted from foot-to-foot and looked around for a moment. They glanced away unsure of what to say. Or, really, they just felt hesitant in saying what was at the top of their mind.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out for, you know, financial reasons for me. But when I saw that look on your face…” LaFontaine paused. They wanted to choose their next words wisely. “I think it would have been more unfortunate if you went through with it.”

Carmilla looked down a bit embarrassed, and LaFontaine had wondered if they had crossed a line. Tact had never been their strong suit. Perry always provided a much softer side to their somewhat abrupt communication style. A moment passed between them, and Laf motioned with their intention to leave. Carmilla’s gaze was still fixed on the ground, though, and she missed it.

“I really screwed things up and now I… I just don’t know.” Carmilla admitted. LaFontaine was unsure if the the words were meant for them, or if Carmilla was just confessing to the small paper cup of coffee she held in her hands. LaFontaine shifted again feeling awkwardly stuck in the moment.

“I destroyed it all. I lost my chance,” she continued. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Carmilla refused to cry anymore, especially in public, but she felt the tears looming.

LaFontaine didn’t feel they were in any position to comfort this person, who was essentially a stranger, that was now confiding in them. But human suffering was universal and not something they could outright ignore.

“Look, Carmilla,” they offered, tentatively. “I say this not as a wedding specialist, but as a scientist.”

Carmilla finally looked up.

“Every problem has a solution. You just have to want to find it. It has to be worth it.”

Carmilla eyed LaFontaine closely as she considered their words. “It has to be worth what?”

“Everything,” LaFontaine answered quickly.

Carmilla stared at them. They had said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Their expression confirmed that thought.

“It was nice to see you, again. Good luck.”

With that final wish, LaFontaine disappeared into the crowd.

 

///

 

“It’s open!” JP heard his sister yell from inside the apartment. He turned the handle on the front door and cautiously made his way in.

The long studio space was quite dark. There was a small amount of light coming from the floor length windows on the far wall. It lit the space enough for JP to see the stacks of pizza boxes, Chinese food boxes, and sandwich boxes. There were more, but he wasn’t going to risk touching anything to see what it was. It was also pretty clear that his sister had amassed an impressive collection of empty glass bottles. He accidentally struck one with his foot, as he moved further into the space.

“You’re here 2 minutes and you’re already breaking shit,” Carmilla said flatly.

JP scoffed at her comment. “I wasn’t aware that I’d have to wade through a city dumpster in the dark just to check on my sister.” He safely made it over to the large bookshelf that divided the bedroom from the rest of the living space. Carmilla was sitting at the narrow writing desk in the corner. Her foot was propped up on the edge, as she leaned back in her chair with a novel in her hands. A long vertical beam of light coming through the edge of the curtain backlit her.

“This is a bit too noir, even for you,” JP commented.

Carmilla didn’t respond.

“I’m worried about you.”

She continued to sit there motionless. JP was pondering whether he should take the few steps closer to check for a pulse when she took in a deep breath.

“Those who prefer their principles over their happiness. They refuse to be happy outside the conditions they have attached to their happiness.”

“I see we’re still firmly docked on _Broody Island_.”

Carmilla snapped the book shut in response. She narrowed her eyes at her brother, as she pursed her lips.

“What?” he asked, looking around self consciously.

“You know Laura really well, right?”

“Not, like, in the biblical sense,” he responded.

Carmilla glared at him and tensed her jaw.

“I need her address,” she said.

JP held his hands in the air ready to put up a strong defense. “Kitty. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Carmilla stood up from her seat and placed her hands on her hips. JP watched her stare him down. He opened his mouth a few times to speak, but couldn’t seem to make words happen.

 

///

 

JP grumbled as he sat behind the wheel of his mother’s car. The stand-off between him and Carmilla was brief. He pretty quickly found himself being drug out the door, onto the train, and eventually into the borrowed vehicle. He was taking his sister to Laura’s apartment, very much against his will. It’s not that he didn’t want Carmilla to be happy. He just really felt that Laura should be the one to initiate when she’s ready.

“You could have just sent a text,” he offered, in annoyance.

“Just drive, mama’s boy.”

 _This is what I get for trying to be a caring brother_ , JP thought to himself. He pulled up outside Laura’s New Haven apartment and parked along the road.

Carmilla didn’t waste a moment. She hopped out of the vehicle as soon as it came to a stop. If she hesitated, she knew she would talk herself out of this. She wasn’t feeling patient enough for the elevator and decided to take the stairs up to Laura’s apartment. As Carmilla went to knock on the door, she froze momentarily. Then without permission her hand moved forward, her knuckles striking the wooden door. She could hear her thundering pulse in her ears as she waited. Then the sound of locks quickly turning took over. The door swung open.

“Can I help you?” A tall red-headed woman asked.

Carmilla stared up at her silently.

“I’m looking for Laura,” she finally mumbled.

“She’s not here anymore,” the woman said, almost dismissively. Carmilla started to back away. “Wait.” A moment of recognition crossed Danny’s face. “You’re Carmilla, aren’t you?”

_Oh shit._

“You’ve got some real nerve coming here!” Danny moved out into the hallway.

Carmilla’s backwards steps were halted when she felt the wall behind her. She usually wasn’t one to step down from a fight, but she really couldn’t see this going anywhere. So she ran. She ran like the wind. Or, more accurately, she ran like someone who had been on a week long bender of alcohol and junk food. Carmilla heard Danny’s loud footsteps following behind her. She didn’t stop to evaluate if she was even being followed out of the building. Carmilla swiftly made her way to the car and jumped in.

JP, noticing her fast exit, started the car immediately and was prepared to take off as soon as she was in the vehicle.

“What was that about?” he asked, as he drove.

“That beanstalk of an ex still lives there,” Carmilla explained. She slumped down in the seat, as she ran her hand up through her hair.

“Soo…” JP hesitated. “Where to next?”

Carmilla rubbed at her face and took a deep breath to settle her nerves.

“We go see Papa Hollis.”

 

///

 

Carmilla and JP spent most of the drive and ferry ride out to the beach house in silence. They did manage to share a delightfully stale plate of nachos from the onboard cafe en route. There really wasn’t much to be said at this point. The story JP knew was a version filtered through both Ell and the Dean, so he didn’t have much confidence in its accuracy. But what he did know, was his older sister. He had watched her float away for years. He had believed her feisty and passionate personality had mellowed with age. But recently, there was a fire in her eyes again. Even in this clearly dark time, she was so much more of the person he had grown up with. He wondered if that was not just the lack of medication, but partly Laura’s influence.

The siblings drove up the gravel driveway to the house and parked. As they exited, Carmilla noticed Mr. Hollis and her mother sitting on the back deck by the pool. She felt her nerves return. She knew there was a good chance her mother was here, but seeing her in the flesh always resonated deep.

“Carmilla,” Lilita stated, as she stood up from her chair. “What are you doing here?”

Carmilla watched David stand and join her mother’s side. Her eyes bounced back and forth between the couple.

“Where’s Laura?” she asked.

“Are you doing this to punish me?” her mother countered quickly.

“No,” Carmilla responded. The words were barely out of her mouth when the Dean spoke again.

“I know you blame me for driving your father away. And, now you’re trying to make a point by pushing Ell away.”

“I’m not… I don’t…” Carmilla tripped over her words, flustered by her mother. She closed her eyes and clinched her fists. “I don’t blame anyone.”

“That’s not how Ell tells it.”

Carmilla flinched in response.

“I can’t help but think that I’m the one that destroyed your stable environment. I’m the one that recommended you be medicated. I’m to blame for this depression; for you actively sabotaging your future. Although, your father wasn’t present long enough to shoulder any of it.”

“You didn’t exactly make it easy for him to see us,” Carmilla stated. She couldn’t stop her tone from revealing her anger.

“See. I knew you were still upset with me.”

Carmilla crossed her arms and looked away. She wasn’t interested in this. She just wanted to find Laura. She had to show her that she wasn’t leaving. She had to show her that she chose her above all else. She had to explain that what she felt for the other woman didn’t come with stipulations or conditions. That it was safe for Laura to believe in fairytales, again. She had to explain that Laura wasn’t the weight of responsibility dragging her down. Laura was the one that made her feel free.

In between that, though, was the Dean. There couldn’t be one without the other.

“Mother, you’re right,” Carmilla finally said, closing her eyes and releasing the tears that had built up in them. “I blame you for so many things. But, this. This is all on me. I couldn’t have been more wrong or more reckless. I went about it the worst possible way. I hurt so many people. If anything, this opened my eyes to how difficult and complex it is to hold things together that have no place together. Especially, a marriage.”

Carmilla was a long way from understanding all the decisions her mother made in regards to her father or them. But this was the first time she had ever been able to acknowledge that the divorce was difficult for her mother, too. Lilita watched her daughter intently as she spoke. Carmilla let out a deep breath and continued.

“I loved Ell, but I’m not her match. And, she’s not mine.”

Carmilla shifted her eyes from her mother to David.

“Laura is,” she stated, simply.

Carmilla moved closer towards them, as David placed his arm around his fiancé’s shoulders.

 

///

 

Laura squinted as she looked out over the endless ocean that surrounded her. It was one of the most breathtaking views she had ever had the pleasure to witness. Second only to the perfectly undisturbed starry sky that blanketed them at night. The sailboat sliced through the swells of the deep sea smoothly. She had been out there long enough to almost trick her body into believing that they weren’t constantly bobbing up and down. Part of her was missing the stability of the shore, and she was pleased that soon enough they would reach their first destination.

This first leg of the trip would be the longest stretch out on the open water. It gave her plenty of time to adapt to life in such a confined space. The crew was amazing, though. She was quite fortunate to be able to jump in last minute on this voyage. The other paying passengers included an older couple and a single traveler from Europe that were pleasant enough to be around. It was completely what she needed. It held the charm of solitude and the immunity of ambiguity.

She wasn’t confident that she’d find it, but she also secretly hoped that taking the same trip as her mother would provide some type of closure. Laura was fully aware exactly how tall of an order that was, though.

“Hollis,” the captain yelled out, catching Laura’s attention. “Man the starboard bow.”

Laura hopped up immediately and moved into position near the front of the boat. She had been quite lost in her thoughts and didn’t notice them quickly approaching shore. As she scanned the area, she now realized how close they were to docking.

Laura reached down and grabbed the line, preparing to jump onto the dock and tie down the boat.

That’s when she finally saw her.

Her usually pale skin was sun kissed, and her hair was tied in a loose braid that hung to the side. Dark sunglasses sat on her face and her black shorts and shirt oddly stood out against the colorful surroundings of The Bahamas. The woman slid her sunglasses down her nose, as she walked down the dock towards their slip.

Laura swallowed thickly, as their eyes met. Breathing seemed to be optional for her at the moment.

Suddenly, Carmilla found herself grasping in the air at a rope that was thrown in her general direction. She managed to catch it, awkwardly enough. When she looked back at Laura in question, Laura only silently motioned down to the anchoring cleat near Carmilla’s feet.

She bent down and looped the rope around once, just to steady it. Then she quickly tied it off.

Laura stepped onto the dock and now stood beside her.

“I hope that works, because that’s literally the only tie I remember your father teaching me,” Carmilla said, as she stood.

Laura looked down at it and pouted. “I’ll fix it later,” she responded.

They both raised their heads at the same time, and their eyes met once again.

Carmilla smiled brightly. Her energy was completely different from the woman Laura left at the gazebo weeks ago. Laura couldn’t recall a time she had ever seen a smile that big or that genuine on Carmilla’s face. Perhaps, she found something that would give even the star filled sky a run for its money.

Laura couldn’t help but smile back.

Carmilla reached out and tucked a loose strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear, as she looked down shyly.

“Hey,” Carmilla said, softly.

“Hey,” Laura responded in kind.

The western sky was painted with oranges and pinks as the sun lowered in the horizon. They stared openly at each other for a moment, basking in the ability to finally do so. It stirred a feeling in Carmilla’s chest that was entirely unfamiliar, but completely welcome. Carmilla’s tender gaze engulfed Laura’s senses and she was captivated. She couldn’t stop smiling, and Laura found she was wholly ok with that.

Carmilla raised both hands and cupped Laura’s face. Her thumbs gently stroked the other woman’s blushing cheeks. They drifted towards each other unhurriedly and purposefully. This was one of many things between them that was best when it was a mutual effort. Laura moved slightly up her on toes as Carmilla pulled her in, and their mouths met in a warm embrace. Open lips tugged at each other gently, as Laura slid her hands up Carmilla’s arms.

When they parted, Carmilla’s head was swimming. She was right to call Laura her match. A kiss had never left her so breathless.

“Did you see a sea turtle or something?” Laura asked.

Carmilla scrunched her brow in confusion until she saw the playful glint in Laura’s eyes. The air between them was no longer heavy with tension, but light with hope.

“Well, something got you all wound up,” Laura continued. She barely finished her joke before Carmilla pulled her back in and peppered her mouth with kisses. Laura smiled into it and let out an involuntary squeal of glee. She pulled back, again.

“Cause I know those really do it for you.”

Carmilla shook her head at the other woman’s teasing.

“Shut up,” she pleaded, and then brought their lips together.

This time, Laura slid her hand around to the back of Carmilla’s neck and deepened the kiss.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there she is! This story, yall. This. story. There were moments when I downright loathed what I wrote and others where I thought I was a literary genius. It was a ride. The only thing I regret is that it took me so long to complete. Thank you so much for every comment and kudo! #blessed #idontunderstandhashtags
> 
> Thanks of course to the amazing film Kyss Mig for the inspiration. I sadly discovered today that it is no longer on Netflix streaming. But if you haven't seen it, I still recommend finding it somewhere! Also, shoutout to [xoVortex](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xoVortex/) for being my ever patient sounding board and [This_Is_A_Good_Sign](http://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_A_Good_Sign/) for being supportive in getting this thing written.
> 
> I love this film and I hope I did it justice with this Hollstein interpretation.


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